Today I'm spinning on a painful memory...

[Lalathegreat]

One of the final times I spent the evening at his apartment he got upset that I began to engage with his son upon arriving instead of greeting him while he was cooking. I didn't engage with him because he often dislikes being interrupted while he's cooking.

He glared at me, gave me a look of hatred that I will never forget, pointed at his head and gave the universal "you're crazy" sign with his fingers. Then he screamed "whose child is this? Mine! Whose home is this? Mine! So why would you come in and start controlling the situation?"

I will NEVER forget the way he looked at me. It was such pure hatred. And the disrespectful way he addressed me in front of his son... .ugh.

This was the moment that I knew everything he offered would never be anything. It completely conditional. You can spend time with my son when *I* allow it. You can spend time in my home when and if *I* allow it.

Recovering from this is like digging through quicksand. Today I'm just trying to not get sucked in.

[hopealways]

Yes totally angry enraged and IRRATIONAL behavior. I had similar situations where at the time I thought "gosh what did I do wrong?" and now I realize "nothing, absolutely nothing."

[Helplessly]

One of the final times I spent the evening at his apartment he got upset that I began to engage with his son upon arriving instead of greeting him while he was cooking. I didn't engage with him because he often dislikes being interrupted while he's cooking.

He glared at me, gave me a look of hatred that I will never forget, pointed at his head and gave the universal "you're crazy" sign with his fingers. Then he screamed "whose child is this? Mine! Whose home is this? Mine! So why would you come in and start controlling the situation?"

I will NEVER forget the way he looked at me. It was such pure hatred. And the disrespectful way he addressed me in front of his son... .ugh.

This was the moment that I knew everything he offered would never be anything. It completely conditional. You can spend time with my son when *I* allow it. You can spend time in my home when and if *I* allow it.

Recovering from this is like digging through quicksand. Today I'm just trying to not get sucked in.

What a dick.

[HelenaHandbasket]

Hoo-ly crap.  That is... .wow.  Lala, I am so glad you're out of that.

[jambley]

Lala he sounds like a real to$$er!

[patientandclear]

Lala, that's another example of behavior that doesn't make sense in light of what was going on in front of him or what your motivations were. He may have had long ago experiences with people not respecting his space, autonomy or self, that were triggered. The tough part is that he doesn't see it that way, and likely sincerely thinks you crossed some line.

The problem with perceptual distortions is that they are unfair and don't make sense in light of what you did.

[allienoah]

Lala hang in there. It's memories like these that give more and more confirmation that the relationship was toxic and needed to end. You don't deserve that treatment at all. It is very easy to say that his behavior was triggered by something else, but it is so very difficult to keep that in mind and not take it personally when it is directed at you. I sometimes say in my head during a rage by my bf "this isn't about me" --but honestly it still hurts like hell. And when others hear it or see it, they don't understand he has a disorder.
You get stronger every day that goes by... .