First reaction, get a divorce

[amusement park]

I am in a very frustrating relationship with my wife.  She isn't diagnosed but all symptoms point to a disorder.  Things go well for about 2 or 3 months, then the bottom falls out.  This seems to be the cycle.  While she is still upset, she rushes right out and files for divorce.  We are in the 6th petition for divorce as I type. She dropped the previous 5 after a period of thought. We have been married five years  I thought it was just her getting very upset, until I started researching disorders and I strongly believe this is our problem.
She has gone literally berserk when I have been away with friends, I try to walk away from her bursts of rage and she follows me and continues to berate me.  Her mother had issues yelling at her husband during their marriage.  They later divorced when my wife was a teen.  She grew up in this environment.  My wife's brother got very ill as a young teenager and doctors didn't give him long to live.  He hung on until age 27, when he passed away.  My wife has endured more than her share of unfortunate situations in her life and just keeps sweeping them under the rug instead of seeking long term counseling or other forms of help.  I'm afraid this time might be the end of us.  Any suggestions or help?  I would appreciate any encouragement.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi amusement park and Welcome! 

Thank you for sharing your situation with us.  I'm sure you'll get lots of support here from other members who can relate to your situation as I can.  How long have you been married? 

It is very difficult to be on the receiving end of the anger and abandonment issues you describe and you are right in that this type of behaviour does suggest a PD.  Have you spoken to your wife about your thoughts on this?  It sounds like she has been through a lot, and so have you.  Do you receive any counselling yourself?  I wonder if that might open up the possibility of your wife seeking therapy too. 

Things can and do get better for members here.  The first piece of advice I'd give is to use the information and tools on this site to increase your knowledge and relationship skills (start at the right side of this board and Insights above).  If your wife does have BPD or traits of BPD then the way that she needs to be communicated with differs from that of an emotionally stable person.  There are processes here that you can follow and implement to make communication easier.  I also read the book Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, which gave me some great techniques to put into practice.  I'd recommend this book to anyone in a r/s with an emotionally sensitive person. 

Keep reading and posting.  You're not alone.

Love and light x