Is it even worth it?

[WhitsEnd]

My BF and I have been together for quite some time and his exGF keeps popping up... .when things are really going good with us... I feel like we've turned a corner... then the next thing you know... .she pops up... with some "crisis"/ "damsel in distress"/ "ailment"/" you name it-- he's fallen for it" routine.

He says that he has shut her out... but somehow he has unblocked her on his phone or social media after her getting a message to him through some other method.

When I read all that goes on with a BPD person... .I wonder if my BF doesn't have some of those tendencies as well. I love him... and have been patient, caring, loving and understanding. Is it possible for them to transfer how they have been treated onto someone who dares to even love them or build a life with them after being with a BPD person?

He says that he loves me, is committed to me & I am the best thing that has ever happened to him... .yet I feel sometimes last on his list.

There are times he will still go out of his way for her chaos... .I am going through hell right now, someone extremely close to me is terminal, yet he says he doesn't know what to say to me... and it kills him to see me hurting... .so he doesn't say anything.

I finally laid it on the line with him... .those are just words and his actions are--  one foot in things with me... and one just slightly outside of our circle... .just in case she somehow suddenly snaps out of it.

This BPD person has caused much destruction in his and others lives... plays on his personal pain... .and past demons... .yet somehow he still lets her slip back in... .

I am truly at my whits end and ready to call the TOD on this relationship. I love him, but I want someone who will fully want me... .not chase after a shadow of someone who doesn't really exist and only pops up when she needs some sort of attention fix from him.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Is the best thing to do to just leave if he doesn't completely shut her out? I value my self worth and my heart to be a second class citizen to this insanity.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi WhitsEnd,

Welcome to the boards ,

What is your BF's response when you tell him that you don't want him to help her anymore?

Ultimately, this sounds like a boundary issue. It's important that you let him know how it makes you feel when he runs to his ex-GF everytime she needs something. Then let him know that you don't like it. Even after you share this information with him, if he still runs to help her, what do you values say you should do?