Woke This Morning With My Own Symptoms

[DaughterOfHera]

This morning, like so many mornings, I woke crying and feeling sick to my stomach... .symptoms of PTSD / Orphan Syndrome due to growing up with a BPDmother, SchizophrenicFather, Schizo-affectiveSister, BPDaunt, and Abusive Alcoholic step-father.  I'm so grateful to have discovered this site, and I'm so grateful to have connection to those of you who have lived with ill family and know what it means to pay the price for your loved-ones' illnesses.  I'm now 44, no contact with my family, have worked with therapy for decades, changed my life and got myself to a safe and beautiful space... .but I still deal with my own symptoms / aftereffects of my family's behaviours... .the neglect and abuse.  I've come to accept that this is who I am now, though when I witness people older than I who make matter-of-factly statements about the neglect and abuse they went through (and they just seem to have moved on) I wish so very much that I could achieve that kind of calm.  I don't normally talk about my family in public, but when I have to mention it (minimal words in response to normal getting-to-know-you questions) I still always react, no matter how much work I've done in this area.  I'm taking the morning, today, to breath into my tummy, and to connect with everyone here. 

[takingandsending]

Hi, DaughterofHera.

Good for you for taking some time for yourself. I think we all could do with a few mental health days off, and really, kindness in any form stems from kindness to yourself or in your thoughts. I am recovering slowly from a marriage with a BPD spouse, and there moments where I feel flooded with anxiety. But like you, I just try to breathe, allow/accept where I am, and know that I am safe. I still am raising two sons with xBPDw, so I can't go NC, but I keep my distance now, mostly parallel parenting.

It's okay to have after shocks and tremors. We have all lived through some pretty horrendous seismic activity in our lives. Glad you are taking care of you, and thanks for posting.

[DaughterOfHera]

Thanks takingandsending.  I appreciate the connection and the sharing.  I like how you mention these times as seismic activity, shocks and tremors... .very apt... .that's how it feels.