need help making sense of brother's behavior

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,
my little brother is suffering from something. my sister believes it is BPD (she is a health professional). he and i have a significant age gap so i dont know him well at all. he is 20 and i am 40. recently he moved to college near my town so i make an effort to see him once a month or so. i take him out to dinner and my husband takes him to ML baseball games about once a month as well. i went home to visit my mother recently and he was staying with her while on summer break from school. I brought my 1 year old daughter with me. he was extremely odd during my stay. he locked himself in the guest room and would make you speak to him through the door. if he was out of his room it was just to leave the house which happened maybe 2 times over the course of a week. when i tried to speak to him he would grunt or just answer with one word. i asked my mom if something was wrong but she said that is just how he is, "grumpy". he also didn't shower for almost 5 days- he told me this. the next day i asked him if he showered yet in a very non accusatory tone (i thought) and he got very angry on me. he hit me (not hard) and told me i was invading his privacy and then ran to his room and slammed the door. i felt very uncomfortable and told my mom i would like to leave with my baby and stay in a hotel down the street because the atmosphere was just so tense and weird. she asked me to try to talk to him first so she begged him to come out of his room and he finally did. I asked him if there was something he wanted to let me know or if there was more going on than maybe i realized. he tore into me. yelling things like that i am mean and i judge everyone in the family that i hurt everyone who is nice to me and that i say terrible things about our mother (while she was sitting there). which also just wasn't true so thats bizarre. then he said that i manipulate the family and think I'm better than everyone among other things. i was shocked but stayed calm and said that i was sorry that this is how he experiences me. he then took my moms car and went to the liquor store and bought a bunch of expensive alcohol. I didn't feel safe at that point so i got my baby who was asleep and went to a hotel. a similar incident happened while i was pregnant where he became very hostile and was policing me. i spoke with my mom afterwards and she said this is how he is. my other siblings said they feel like he is over sensitive and that you have to walk on eggshells around him. i am really concerned about him. he is approaching adulthood and seems to really not have friends. any female love interests are short and end with an explosion. he spends the entire day on his computer and some days wont even get up to eat. he is disrespectful to our mother who goes beyond her financial limits to give him every opportunity to have a successful life. he also seems real intent on having a go at me which i'd like to understand. any advice or insight? is this BPD or something else? is there anything i can do to help him? thanks in advance for taking the time to read and respond.

[hope_now]

Hello,
my little brother is suffering from something. my sister believes it is BPD (she is a health professional). he and i have a significant age gap so i dont know him well at all. he is 20 and i am 40. recently he moved to college near my town so i make an effort to see him once a month or so. i take him out to dinner and my husband takes him to ML baseball games about once a month as well. i went home to visit my mother recently and he was staying with her while on summer break from school. I brought my 1 year old daughter with me. he was extremely odd during my stay. he locked himself in the guest room and would make you speak to him through the door. if he was out of his room it was just to leave the house which happened maybe 2 times over the course of a week. when i tried to speak to him he would grunt or just answer with one word. i asked my mom if something was wrong but she said that is just how he is, "grumpy". he also didn't shower for almost 5 days- he told me this. the next day i asked him if he showered yet in a very non accusatory tone (i thought) and he got very angry on me. he hit me (not hard) and told me i was invading his privacy and then ran to his room and slammed the door. i felt very uncomfortable and told my mom i would like to leave with my baby and stay in a hotel down the street because the atmosphere was just so tense and weird. she asked me to try to talk to him first so she begged him to come out of his room and he finally did. I asked him if there was something he wanted to let me know or if there was more going on than maybe i realized. he tore into me. yelling things like that i am mean and i judge everyone in the family that i hurt everyone who is nice to me and that i say terrible things about our mother (while she was sitting there). which also just wasn't true so thats bizarre. then he said that i manipulate the family and think I'm better than everyone among other things. i was shocked but stayed calm and said that i was sorry that this is how he experiences me. he then took my moms car and went to the liquor store and bought a bunch of expensive alcohol. I didn't feel safe at that point so i got my baby who was asleep and went to a hotel. a similar incident happened while i was pregnant where he became very hostile and was policing me. i spoke with my mom afterwards and she said this is how he is. my other siblings said they feel like he is over sensitive and that you have to walk on eggshells around him. i am really concerned about him. he is approaching adulthood and seems to really not have friends. any female love interests are short and end with an explosion. he spends the entire day on his computer and some days wont even get up to eat. he is disrespectful to our mother who goes beyond her financial limits to give him every opportunity to have a successful life. he also seems real intent on having a go at me which i'd like to understand. any advice or insight? is this BPD or something else? is there anything i can do to help him? thanks in advance for taking the time to read and respond.

[Lilacs]

Hopenow
So sorry you are going through this. I'm not a professional. Just someone who has a BPDsis. I can't say for sure if he has BPD with what you have written here but at the very least he has anger issues. Could he also be using drugs? Sounds like he does drink ?a lot.  I feel your pain bc you want to help him. I would see if there is a way he can see a counselor at the college he is at. Back in the day when there wasn't HIPAA, I had the college cou selling service see my sister. I knew her boyfriend and had him take her there. Of course the BF turned out to be an abuser and even verbally abused me (and she took his side). But that's another story. Anyway.  You are not alone.
Peace.
Lilacs