BPD gf back with me and it has gotten worse

[Depression = 72% of members]

I haven't posted on here for about 8 months. My BPD gf I had not seen her for 8 months and she came back to me having been diagnosed with serious medical problem( for real ). Anyway she moved back in with me again and has raged at me and blamed me for leaving her, spends evenings and hours telling me how it can never be the same. How I left her etc etc. She says stuff like the old Mike would have known this and done that. I have learned a lot from Al anon and reading SWon eggshells etc. Not sure what to do next, I know I am in the crap, she is weepy, angry pushing me away and expecting mind reading, not pleased or happy about anything. Not sure what happens next. Angry with her Mother and family and most of all me. Not splitting, just in denigrate, self pitying and very angry most of the time. Help, I love her but not sure what to do. She asks for proof of my love by demanding I break off friendships, publicly announce that I am with her and the rest of the world are asss. She has kept me awake for hours on end rejects my advances and next day will tell me I don't love her and never touch her. Roller coaster, looking for an up on this ride. She is exhausted and facing surgery and I feel I am getting sucked into the land of OZ

[MikeLondon]

I haven't posted on here for about 8 months. My BPD gf I had not seen her for 8 months and she came back to me having been diagnosed with serious medical problem( for real ). Anyway she moved back in with me again and has raged at me and blamed me for leaving her, spends evenings and hours telling me how it can never be the same. How I left her etc etc. She says stuff like the old Mike would have known this and done that. I have learned a lot from Al anon and reading SWon eggshells etc. Not sure what to do next, I know I am in the crap, she is weepy, angry pushing me away and expecting mind reading, not pleased or happy about anything. Not sure what happens next. Angry with her Mother and family and most of all me. Not splitting, just in denigrate, self pitying and very angry most of the time. Help, I love her but not sure what to do. She asks for proof of my love by demanding I break off friendships, publicly announce that I am with her and the rest of the world are asss. She has kept me awake for hours on end rejects my advances and next day will tell me I don't love her and never touch her. Roller coaster, looking for an up on this ride. She is exhausted and facing surgery and I feel I am getting sucked into the land of OZ

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[takingandsending]

Hi ML.

It sounds like she is scared. The thoughts of a pwBPD are like a runaway freight train. So you always have to remind yourself, okay I am jumping aboard here maybe 50 cars away from the engine, so I know I am not the driver of this upset.

Then, as best you can, you validate the likely feeling that is causing the upset. Sometimes, we nail them. Other times, we miss by a country mile. But that may be your best response right now. If she is facing serious medical condition, she's probably scared. Any extra stress a pwBPD has in their life can send them into significant dysregulation. Trick for you is to see the scared vulnerable prison she is and not react to the attacking angry person she is presenting.

You also have to factor your own health and well being into it. If the dysregulations are not abating, even with validation of what you think she is feeling underneath, if she continues to attack you, then you have to establish boundaries on what behaviors harm your own self value.

What sorts of responses have you tried to her attacks and blame thus far?