Intro - Eggshells is my life

[nuthereggsheller]

I have been so confused by my husband's irratic behavior!  So charming and "normal" when we dated, then 2 months after the wedding - boom.  I couldn't do anything right.  Damned if I do, damned if I don't.  I'm a very calm and logical person, so naturallly I thought "oh, let's just have a conversation and find out what the concern is, and come to a resolution together."  Right? No!  Now it's over a year later and it goes in waves. It's particularly bad right now.  There hasn't been an official diagnosis, but many of the traits are there, though not as severe as I've read about. I'm very glad to have found this site.  I hope I can learn from you all.  Like everyone else I'm sure, there is SO much more to this story. I'm not even sure I want to stay in this marriage for my own mental health though.  Help! Thanks in advance.   

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ArleighBurke]

Hi and welcome!

Is "eggshells" in your subject a reference to the book? If not, I highly recommend reading "Stop walking on Eggshells". It's a good BPD intro.

I would recommend reading about Validation. (Check the green box on the right ":)on't be invalidating" and Lesson 1.10 here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

And keep posting questions. There are lots of people here that have been through exactly what you are going through.

AB

[nuthereggsheller]

Hi AB,

Thank you for your reply. "Eggshells" is somewhat a reference to the book, but for the past year I had been trying to figure out what's going on, and have been saying to myself "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells constantly, never knowing when something I do or don't do, say or don't say is going to ignite him."  So when his sister (a psychologist) mentioned to me one day that she has always thought he is dealing with bipolar or borderline or something similar, I did some research and the book title jumped out at me, but moreso the list of traits. So, I know I can't change him, but I'm here to learn the best ways to respond for my own peace of mind, and manage my own emotional space of feeling constantly on alert... .walking on eggshells.

Thanks for encouragement to ask questions.  I'll read about validation as you suggest.  Thank you so much!

[bananas2]

Welcome!   Glad you found us!

So charming and "normal" when we dated, then 2 months after the wedding - boom.

I think we're all on the same page with this one! Mine was also a couple months after. I tried to figure it out and asked him why he waited until after the wedding to show me this side of him and his response was, "Because now that we're married it makes it harder for you to leave."
And away we went into "Eggshell Land."

So, I know I can't change him, but I'm here to learn the best ways to respond for my own peace of mind, and manage my own emotional space

Looks like you are already on a good path, knowing you can't change him & working on your own self-care. Certainly many steps ahead of me when I first got here!

This is a great place where we all learn from each other. Looking forward to seeing more posts from you.

[Jessica84]

I stumbled across the Eggshells book one day when the title reached out and grabbed me at the book store. It was exactly how I felt - like I was Walking on Eggshells (more like bombs!). I barely flipped thru it, just bought it not even noticing the words "borderline personality disorder" on the cover! I thought I would get a few basic self-help tips out of it. I got that and so much more - learning there was an actual name for my nightmare! And that book led me to this site. Highly recommend

[nuthereggsheller]

Thank you so much for the replies.  It's really affirming to see others have had such similar experiences. Right now I'm gathering information, but I also recognize I haven't been doing well taking care of myself, so I think I'll make a new post to get others' ideas on that.  Thanks!