She's getting married

[oz geary]

It's been about a year since I posted on here last. Me and my BPD ex girlfriend, were on and off for ages, been together nearly 3 years, she definitely has BPD she was in therapy (CBT) when we met but the therapy ended after about a year of us being together. Anyway, many things happened, I posted lots in here. Quick catch up, she said she was depressed alot near the beginning of the relationship, I missed work to give her comfort, after a few times, I lost my job, she caused so much chaos at my shared residence, that I got evicted. We split up, I got another job, we got back together, she got drunk while staying with me at my new work, and assaulted me and got arrested, I then lost that job too, It was a live in job so I lost my home again. I moved in with her, lasted 2 weeks, was homeless, got a place in a hostel, got back together again, I got given a council flat, she started accusing me of cheating, I've never cheated. We split up just for 2 weeks this time, she slept with other people. Then had some problems with one guy and asked me bk to sort it out. I did. We got bk together. I was really starting to think that things will never change, I wasn't happy, I loved her and wanted us both to just b happy. Things seemed ok around last Xmas, then end of April, I was at her flat, she started having a go at me, verbally, for no reason, and I walked out. Thinking that like always, in a couple of weeks, we'd b back together. But when I rang her she said she was with someone else. I've found out this is an old bf from 6years ago!
I had lots of things at her house, she wouldn't communicate with me and I had to deal with her new bf. He seems like a weak mug like I was. The sex is worth the pain,,, for now. He was made to literally talk for her, to me and vice a versa . He even had a moan about her to me!
Anyway, I've just found out they're engaged!
So ,, she made my friends hate me, she punched me kicked me, head butted me and split my nose, physically abused me, verbally abused me, emotionally abused me, now she getting married to this new/old bf, after just 3-4 months!
What does everyone think of that?
Fyi, I'm 33, she's 36, I think he is about my age, maybe a year younger. He works, is a recovering heroine addict, (which happened after he dated her last time, 2010-11) she doesn't work and never had, and has never shown any intention of getting a job!
So yeah,,, I don't want her bk, not now, my love has turned to pure hate. I f*king hate her guts! Her memory makes my stomach turn and my skin crawl! But I still feel this toxic longing  
She using him isn't she? She gonna screw him up like she did me. It's so typical of cluster B female who is fast approaching the age of no return for women, ie, "the wall" to try and bag a husband.
She always told me she didn't believe in marriage!
Please just your thoughts. I've blocked her and deleted her , after she called me last Friday night! I didn't answer, but txt her after to see what she wanted,,, I got no answer. So I've blocked n deleted, gonna go serious no contact, it's So Totally Over.
Stover. But I need to tell people, I want to know what others think. Like, what the heck? I now have depression, anxiety, I'm in CBT then moving on to MBT. Was told have mild PTSD. Had a stomach ulcer, that cleared up with meds.
Point is she ruined me! My life and my body! And she thinks she is the victim!
So what do you all think about that?

[roberto516]

I'm so sorry that you have to hear this news. It's a day that I dread when I find out she is eventually with someone else.

I don't know her at all, naturally, but I can't imagine without serious therapy (not CBT stuff) that she has found herself in a better mental spot.

2 things will probably happen. She will be able to make a relationship work with him because he is a "yes man" to her. FYI. There is a high correlation between addicts/recovering addicts and co-dependency. So he might be able to say yes to her the rest of his days. But that could lead to a relapse if he isn't careful.

Or he will see the signs like you did and get out of it sooner than later. But the odds of the cycle continuing are not that good.

I could ask you to turn inward about your feelings but you're angry right now (which is perfectly alright!) So I hope some of this can provide comfort to you.

The way you describe her here it's clear as day that this person is not capable of a healthy relationship. And it's also clear she didn't put any work in. Outside of him being a complete pushover or maybe having a child with her that guilts him into staying for the child's sake I don't see where the change has come for this to be a successful relationship.

Even if they stay together the rest of their days. She will probably always be in an emotional hell and he will be too now.

But you have the choice to one day find your own inner peace which could be the greatest "Look at me now" moment, whether she knows it or not or even cares.

PS. I found myself angry about the victim status as well. I'm sure she will tell the next person "It wasn't working out between us so I ended it and then he got real angry and said all these mean things." And he will fall for it. Completely unaware that for 17 months she took all she could from me and was so subtly controlling and emotionally abusive if I tried to walk a path that was different than what she was okay with. So I get that. Still makes me very angry from time to time.

[oz geary]

Thanks Roberto, it is a comfort, and know my anger is justified, I'm not going to act in it though neither am I going to bottle it. It will run it's course. Does anyone else have any thoughts please? I just want to get as many views as possible so I can try and process stuff better.
Thanks again ppl x