I used to visit the boards quite often a few years ago when I was with my BPD exgf, but we broke up over 2 years ago and it's been almost a year and a half since I last logged in here. She emailed me recently out of the blue wanting to do one of the activities we used to share together because she was depressed and thought it would be good for her mental health.
I'm much happier now than I was during the throes of the relationship. Some of you may not be at the point that you can understand this, but I'm actually quite grateful to have experienced that relationship. I learned a lot about BPD, about other people, but more importantly, I learned a lot about myself and what kind of life I want to live.
So, while I still love my exgf as a person and wish that she have a healthy and fulfilling life, I told her that her schedule doesn't work with my schedule (she's a morning person, I'm an evening person). She was welcome to visit when me and my friends are pursuing our activity on our schedule and suggested a mutual friend that is more in line with her schedule if that's better for her. And I told her this with no ill will or spite, only genuinely wishing and wanting the best for her.
I ran into her in person a few months back and had a nice short chat, wished her well, and even gave her a kiss on her forehead. Maybe because of that she had been thinking about me and finally contacted me, but the whys and wherefore are not really important to me.
The time we spent together I now see as a blessing. Now I know what I truly value in a partner and relationship. With hindsight I can see that we never should've been together in the first place because she didn't fulfill my true wants and needs in a life partner who would enrich my life. During my life, I've spent a lot of time with women who were the wrong person at the right time or the right person at the wrong time, and my BPD exgf is the one where the light bulb finally lit up over my head, so I'll always be grateful that I met her when I did.
And I still love her unconditionally but relationships are not unconditional. With some people it's healthier to love them from afar. I love her like I love all my exes, somebody that I have fond affection for but is largely a part of my past. We will never get back together again, because I am a different person from the one that first fell in love with her. I do hope she finds fulfillment in her life and love in a partner with whom she can have a healthy and life enriching relationship.
As for me, I'm doing my thing and quite happy. I reconnected with some friends who were basically off limits during the relationship. I have more time for the things I truly enjoy that add richness to my life. I would like to date and find a partner again, but my standards are a lot higher than they used to be!
So, you may be sad or hurting now, but it can get better. And you can be stronger and wiser. Do the work of self examination. One day you may even feel gratitude towards the BPD person in your past like I do. You deserve a happy, rich, and fulfilling life!
