hi, breid1250
it's no wonder there is so much literature about members of the family of people with BPD, it is draining and confusing, and frustrating. Just here we are a hundred thousand members wondering about the same issues. You are not alone.
There are things that can help you improve your situation, and improve the way you feel about it by changing your point of view and understanding how this works. Also, giving you a way to express your concerns to people that have goo through the same.
We fall often, but I can say this site has helped me a lot. It's like a ladder that you see when you are at the bottom of a dark well.
You are right in what you say about him wanting to help himself is key. But in the meantime you can help yourself. And some of that improvement wil reflect in the relationship.
Why don't you tell us a bit more about your situation? You can also start reading the basic tools on this site, they really help.
Good luck and don't despair.
