Dads new wife appears to have BPD

[Hopefulbuthurtin]

I'm really not sure what to do. My father remarried after my mothers passing a few ears ago and at first she seemed sweet although there were some warning signs. But since getting married she vilified my sisters and my dad then distanced himself from them. Since then one sister apologized (for nothing really - just to get back in the door) but my other sister is still on the outs. Then my dad tried to bring me in to "help" and now she hates me. He recently called (under pressure) and told me he was disappointed in me and requested I apologize to her. I didn't do anything wrong - I almost wish I had, because then I could apologize honestly - but I don't know what to do. If I take it all she'll let me and my family back in and my dad will be able to talk to us with ease. But then isn't that just enabling?  But if I don't it feels wrong and my contact with my dad is restricted by her. Help!

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Hopefulbuthurtin! 

Let me start by welcoming you. I'm sorry for the hurt that has been caused when your step mom entered the picture. It is tough. To be alienated by your own flesh and blood is so painful, yet it is a sad part of having a BPD in your life. Have you read much about BPD yet? How did you find out about our site? You will find a lot of supportive help here.

One of the possible things going on could be triangulation in which your dad took the side of your step mom and now you are on the out side or the victim.

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle

After reading this article, do you think this is what may be happening? I can certainly understand your not wanting to apologize for something you didn't do. It is hard to know how to advise you, but perhaps after reading some of the other posts here or when other members post to your questions, hopefully we'll get some good thoughts for you.

Here is one more link for you that I hope will be helpful:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection

Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing!

 
Wools