What's worse, knowing or not knowing?

[Cat Familiar]

@SamwizeGamgee--I think I had a long "honeymoon period" because when my husband asked me to marry him, I agreed, but insisted upon a long engagement, thinking I wanted to be sure. So he had to mind his p's and q's for a few years (what an odd expression--something my mother would say).

I thought I knew him by then, so we did get married and now that you mention it, he did rapidly transform after that. Hmmm... .

Once they get you on the hook... .

[SamwizeGamgee]

I also hate that I see this stuff so clearly now.  Another example asking the question if it is better to know or not have known.

[Cat Familiar]

I also hate that I see this stuff so clearly now.  Another example asking the question if it is better to know or not have known.

Yeah, now that I see these patterns clearly, I've lost respect for my husband. I keep reminding myself that it's a personality disorder; he had an abusive narcissistic dad; it's unlikely to change; it was there all the time but I didn't see it in the beginning because I had such a high need for appreciation; he's not doing it "on purpose"; he really hurts and feels terrible about himself.

Of course, none of that makes me feel better. But then I count my blessings and there definitely are blessings to this relationship, just not the ones I thought I was getting when I signed the marriage license.

If it seems too good to be true... .