Jekyl and Hyde is exhausting and the eggshells are old

[nowwhat2020]

Regarding my partner of 20 years, I am so there with you. You took the words out of my mouth. Exact same spot mentally and emotionally.  Now I'm trying to figure out what to do next. 

I'm open to advice please. Other than trying to find a specialist in BPD that may be able to help me understand how to respond to my partner or how to handle leaving, I'm not sure what to do.   It all makes me sick to my stomach. I'm not sure how I haven't had a nervous break down. 

Based on the things they have said in fights in the past 6 months, I dont really see this relationship being saved.  I wish I were wrong, losing what we had at one time is breaking my heart. They are not the same person I married. They have been and are emotionally, and mentally abusive, it is killing me. I'm a student and don't have my own income currently.  So I'm not exactly sure how or when I'd leave. 

I've thought about calling abuse helplines to get guidance but they always focus on physical abuse.  Also I have a therapist my partner has also seen in the past with me and now they refuse to see the therapist again.  Or any therapist.  The therapist also wasn't much help.  My partner doesnt have a formal BPD diagnosis, but I have NO DOUBT that is what is going on here. They have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the past and are not on any meds.  They may also be Bi-polar II, per the last therapist. 

To complicate things further, I am in the mental health field and have to try and avoid people I know in trying to seek services.  I dont think I have the strength to attend in person support meetings.  I'd crumble.  And I dont really have friends I feel comfortable confiding in to the full extent of the situation.  Plus we have friends in common circles.   

Where do I begin to find solutions? Or some relief? I'm completely overwhelmed. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.