Feeling stuck - tried of waiting this one out

[donkey2016]

Hello,

I have sometimes posted on break up crisis board and sometimes here on conflicted board. I want out of the relationship but I'm so vary of the drama with rages and suicide threats - that I can't pull myself together to do it. My boyfriend who seems to have BPD, have luckily moved to another city but he keeps coming here every weekend. He's very bad for me and my kids since he's controlling and gets into bad mood and then suddenly he's in a very good mood and wants to talk to everybody. I can' t do anything on my own during the weekends except help him with different things (his move and so on) and keep him company. It's crazy. Plus he's dragging out his move to the other city - he soon has to be out of the apartment in my city.

I broke up with him a couple of months ago but stupidly I made up with him. When I broke up with him it was terrible - a lot of arguments and suicide threats. I feel like I can't go through that again.

I was hoping everything would just fade out - but he keeps making plans for next weekend, next summer, leaving stuff including his keys here. Maybe I just have to take the hit - and again have a big argument with him about breaking up.

My youngest son is badly affected. He has problems in school sometimes hitting other children - he doesn't talk to any of the other kids in school. I'm full of anxiety and sometimes (also due to the stress at work) I latch out - get angry at my children.

I have friends who are supportive but no family here where I live.

I'm thinking of calling him tonight and tell him that it's over. If he was normal it wouldn't be that terrible thing to do... .

Any suggestions or even just words of encouragement are welcome,
Donkey 2016

[disorderedsociety]

I'm kind of in the same spot, my current r/s partner isn't BPD, but she is emotionally immature, I suspect covert narcissism to some extent; she doesn't do the overt rage or shaming, but she will find ways to get around my boundary, if I say I need time to myself in my room, she'll end up standing at the door talking about something trivial, so it's come to a point where I have told her, look I have no intention of continuing our relationship, but she went on about how her cat is here, she doesn't have a place to go, if she stays with her dad it's unhealthy since he's an alcoholic, so we agreed she will look for an apartment or roommate. I'm debating helping her get her own car as she's driving a rental through a company that gives it to her, to give rides to people like Uber, but I don't want to be that guy... .yet if it'll help her get her credit up, and thus be able to actually move out, it could be the healthiest thing in the long run. Whether or not we continue seeing each other is not yet decided from my perspective.

What I tell people, like my buddy who's married to a somewhat abrasive woman, do what you can to assert your boundaries. If they're abusive, remove yourself from the situation and set another boundary. Accept the situation if you cannot change it, but do have a plan to make things smooth if/when the time comes that you are ready to move on. It's your choice, and I like to reiterate that not only to myself but to others, because all too often we're brought up in ways that make us think divine justice will punish us, if we're not "good" but that is bs. You do what is best for you, the rest will fall into place.