Some Words to Those in the Struggle

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So, it's been a while since I've been on.  I started to notice myself obsessing over the breakup and what was going on in her life, so I decided to just step away and let the chips fall where they may.  This is a word to those in the throws of the  chaos right now.

I know you feel hopeless.  I know you feel convinced that your ex pwBPD is going to turn over a new leaf and be everything you had hoped your relationship would be.  I know the hurt.  I know the distrust.  I know.

I'm just over 2 years out now.  The ex showed up to drop off our son today with her latest BF, and wow, I can't tell you the relief I felt.  YES, the RELIEF.  You see the one she was with right after our split was a former friend of mine.  The thought of him taking advantage of our pseudo friendship, the thought of her being such a good girlfriend to him, the thought of them living happily ever after, it was all driving me crazy.

So here it is, and I know you've read it before, you've heard the song, and you've seen the dance.

THEY NEVER CHANGE.


EVER.

The honeymoon doesn't last, and that mask is heavy.  You are so much better off.  It doesn't feel like it, but trust me, with time it will.  I'm 2 years out. 

Yesterday was my 42nd B-Day and my gift was clarity.  I see it now.  She won't change because she can't.

At my lowest I worried about turning to alcohol, I worried about turning to drugs, I worried about turning the lights out permanently.  PLEASE, PLEASE do not do any of these.  The pain subsides.  Give it time.  See a counselor, it helps.  Go out and do something you never would before.  Hit the gym, and hit it hard. 

I know you've heard this too, but work on YOU.  If you have kids, spend as much time with them as possible.  You will make mistakes, you will feel like they are being dragged into the chaos, keep going. They need a rock.  Be the rock.  I know you can do it, I did.

Look at these threads, but don't make it into an every day thing.  Once you see the underlying theme, you can draw your parallels.  That's all you need.  Move on.  Visiting these threads will not bring about a magical cure all for your pwBPD.  Those don't exist.  There is a reason the "script" of the BPD relationship exists.  Read it, ask yourself honestly if it sounds familiar.  I would bet my last dollar it does.  It plays out over and over.  You weren't the first, you won't be the last, not by a long shot.

I would like to thank the hosts of this site, and all the people that have contributed over the years.  Without this I don't know what I would have done.  From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.  Your struggles and advice have paved the way for all future victims.  You made it, and for that I salute you.

Looking back now, I can honestly say, "I'm ok."  I didn't think that day would come.  It will.  It may take 2 years, It may take 10, but it will come.  Hang in there, take it as it comes, and remember, we are all pulling for you.

[Pimp_Daddy_76]

So, it's been a while since I've been on.  I started to notice myself obsessing over the breakup and what was going on in her life, so I decided to just step away and let the chips fall where they may.  This is a word to those in the throws of the  chaos right now.

I know you feel hopeless.  I know you feel convinced that your ex pwBPD is going to turn over a new leaf and be everything you had hoped your relationship would be.  I know the hurt.  I know the distrust.  I know.

I'm just over 2 years out now.  The ex showed up to drop off our son today with her latest BF, and wow, I can't tell you the relief I felt.  YES, the RELIEF.  You see the one she was with right after our split was a former friend of mine.  The thought of him taking advantage of our pseudo friendship, the thought of her being such a good girlfriend to him, the thought of them living happily ever after, it was all driving me crazy.

So here it is, and I know you've read it before, you've heard the song, and you've seen the dance.

THEY NEVER CHANGE.


EVER.

The honeymoon doesn't last, and that mask is heavy.  You are so much better off.  It doesn't feel like it, but trust me, with time it will.  I'm 2 years out. 

Yesterday was my 42nd B-Day and my gift was clarity.  I see it now.  She won't change because she can't.

At my lowest I worried about turning to alcohol, I worried about turning to drugs, I worried about turning the lights out permanently.  PLEASE, PLEASE do not do any of these.  The pain subsides.  Give it time.  See a counselor, it helps.  Go out and do something you never would before.  Hit the gym, and hit it hard. 

I know you've heard this too, but work on YOU.  If you have kids, spend as much time with them as possible.  You will make mistakes, you will feel like they are being dragged into the chaos, keep going. They need a rock.  Be the rock.  I know you can do it, I did.

Look at these threads, but don't make it into an every day thing.  Once you see the underlying theme, you can draw your parallels.  That's all you need.  Move on.  Visiting these threads will not bring about a magical cure all for your pwBPD.  Those don't exist.  There is a reason the "script" of the BPD relationship exists.  Read it, ask yourself honestly if it sounds familiar.  I would bet my last dollar it does.  It plays out over and over.  You weren't the first, you won't be the last, not by a long shot.

I would like to thank the hosts of this site, and all the people that have contributed over the years.  Without this I don't know what I would have done.  From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.  Your struggles and advice have paved the way for all future victims.  You made it, and for that I salute you.

Looking back now, I can honestly say, "I'm ok."  I didn't think that day would come.  It will.  It may take 2 years, It may take 10, but it will come.  Hang in there, take it as it comes, and remember, we are all pulling for you.

[evanescent]

Inspiring words PimpDaddy.

Since my uBPDw left us this last month, the one thing I remain resolved to avoid is another intimate relationship with BPD. I truly loved my wife through it all, but some things are not worth repeating - ever!

She said we would be better off without her. Emotionally, I don't think we are there, but in so many other ways that I hate to admit, we are. From family and friends that have been estranged, to finances that were out of control, it is already changed for the better.

I miss her deeply, but she was right. I'll be okay too, but she was right.

[itgetsbetter94]

Thank you for encouraging words, Pimp Daddy.
I feel I'm almost there, 80% back to being myself. 100% intellectually, but emotions and flashbacks are still sometimes (not often as before) playing tricks on me. I find myself mourning about the past times, and I get mad on myself, I get mad on my brain. I say to myself "what the heck, why are you doing this to yourself, you KNOW you needed to get out, stop tormenting yourself!".
I'm annoyed with this masochistic coping mechanism of mine, instead of working for me, it sometimes works against me.
I hope I'll reach your level of clarity soon.