Hi LA - I remember joining and also being blown away by how similar some stories were to mine. Just a reminder that this condition does have a set pattern and symptoms so we will always understand what you are going through.
The phone thing... .earlier this year I was snooping in my hwBPD's phone as he was continually lying to me. This is no excuse... .I felt bad doing it and I fessed up to him. We now have no locks on our phones and although what he was doing on his was hurtful and deceitful... .he gets angry if he knows I have talked to a friend about struggles I am having with him. I can delete the messages if I want and he will never know they were there but I choose to let him see some of them as I feel if he wants to look at my phone he will have to see how his BPD actions affect me. I am not being disloyal - I am seeking support and I have no reason to be ashamed of this.
How your SO behaves after reading your message is totally her responsibility. I guess we can take into consideration people living with BPD will experience extreme emotions... .so when we would feel annoyed ... .they feel absolutely gutted. It will take a long time before she will be able to step back from this and understand that not everyone has this extreme reaction and that her actions may be inappropriate. I am sorry she has gone to such extremes - does she have much understanding of her condition?
The fallout can be so bad that we always feel we are mopping up a mess someone else has created to to try to ensure calm waters for a while.
Thinking of you.
