how she can cut off everything

[jo19854]

My uBPDwife left over 3.5 years ago. As some of you might know, she just vanished, no one here ever heard from her, including myself.
I am in contact with the father of her children age 19 and 22.
She also has children from another ex, their age is 32 and 34. Who -by the way - never cared about her while she was living here.
When she was living here (in Europe) she had a strong bond with the younger ones. They visited us every summer and videochat every weekend for hours.
Now she lives in USA at the place of the 32 year old and there is no contact with the younger ones.
(And - not surisingly - no interest from the older ones towards their younger sisters.)

Anyone has the experience with this cutting off behaviour from a mother towards her children?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Jo,

What is the nature of your r/s with her children's father?  :)o you have other things in common besides your ex?  I'm wondering if keeping in contact with him and having awareness of her activities is like the monkey trap for you.  You're a kind considerate and empathetic soul and this could sometimes be unhealthy for your own well being if you're unable to accept there are things you cannot fix and suffering you cannot remove.  Her kids are all of adult age and can handle their own r/s with their mother themselves.  I know you are still going through a lot of pain from your wife leaving as she did.  Perhaps it is time that you cut yourself off from all of this.

What does your therapist suggest?

Love and light x  

[jo19854]

Hi HQ,

The younger ones felt like my own.
The father and me have the same kind of work. So we talk about how the kids are managing.He knows how well i took care of them when they were living here.
Calling him to know more of my ex is useless, he doesnt know a thing.

Last week ive heard there is no contact which bothered him, and something i would never have expected.
My therapist says i do what i need to do for my sanity, with his help i try not to ruminate, but the grief must be accepted, i have to allow it he says, but the why's and how's I am trying to push away.There's is not an hour i think about her.
But my question is about a mother and her daughters, i wonder how a mother who never yelled, blamed, raged at her daughters can do this.

take care HQ and thanks