Not sure if this is healthy but I have 4 kids

[chapin]

I have been married to my wife for 17 years now and we have 4 kids together. This last year I started sticking up for myself thinking I need to start having a voice and man things have gone south. I am in such a healthier place now but I am still not sure what to do with my marriage. My wife has a lot of health problems and I think that plays a big part in her BPD. I know I struggle with Codependency and I need to work on that. Hopefully I will find some support in this forum.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Panda39]

Hi Chapin,

Welcome to the BPD Family 

I'm glad you decided to jump in and post.  It sounds like you are making some changes and your wife is having a hard time with that. 

Below is a link to more on self respect and our sense of ourselves... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121173.0

Can you give us an example of a situation where you have started standing up for yourself and what her reaction has been?  We have tools we can share that can improve your interactions with your wife if we know a little bit more of the details.

Codependency is no stranger to me either I was married to an alcoholic for 20 years, I'm on this site because my significant other (SO) has and undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw), but in many ways my marriage had similarities to my SO's BPD marriage.

Below are links on codependency... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111772.0
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95263.0

I've inserted some links here that you might want to check out when you have time.  I look forward to hearing more of your story.

Take Care,
Panda39

[Tattered Heart]

HI chapin,

YOu've found a great place for support. I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you.

 Panda asked a lot of great questions. WHen you say "stand up for yourself" what do you mean by this?