Relationship Counselling

[RC]

Hi and thanks for reading this.

My wife and I live in Northern Rivers District of NSW.  My wife has been diagnosed with BPD and like a lot of you going can be nearly impossible sometimes and difficult most of the time. My wife is in therapy and I am receiving help for depression. Communication between us is difficult so we seldom resolve issues and the really important things never get a fair airing.

I am looking for any leads on couples counselling in this area with a counsellor with a good understanding of BPD who can help us improve our communications leading into helping us discuss critical issues.

Any suggestions?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi RC,

Welcome to the family! Our members are spread around the globe so I am not sure how lucky you will be getting a request for your area in Australia. I did a quick search (using your location and dbt counseling) and I found some listings, but I think you'll likely need to ask locally for what you are looking for. What about asking your own counselor who is treating you for depression for a referral? Or for a directory of local therapists you could look over?

In the meantime I would strongly encourage you to look at the lessons on this site. Just the Basic Tools and Lessons on the right side of the board here can be quite helpful. I think I would consider counseling one tool, but the tools offered here are also quite helpful - and free! Just setting the right expectations for your relationship and interactions with your wife could make a big difference. There are also communication tools here that can help keep you out of endless/pointless arguments. When you take the temperature of the relationship down perhaps you can get on to other issues? It takes time.

You might also notice, if you read here a bit, that couples counseling is not always recommended for someone with BPD.  It would be good to familiarize yourself with why that is the case and then adjust your expectations. I think many of us tend to approach this hoping we can "fix" the other person and that simply isn't the case. Another approach is to work on changing yourself first and then seeing what is possible from there. Just my two cents!