Mum and sister with BPD

[detached0007]

Hi there 

I am new here (I am female) I consider myself to be a logical level headed person, and very open to communicate any issues that I face in life with anyone around me.
 I come to discover 2 family members have BPD in 2013 when I was at the age of 38yrs.
This was through my own personal counselling, as I explained my life experience to a therapist.

I was raised by a mother and sister BOTH with BPD (or more I raised them) My sisters personality was extremely explosive and volatile , however in my mothers eyes she was the golden child and could never do any wrong... .I was the scape goat. Every negative feeling and emotion would be put on me . I was a very reserved quiet child , as I discovered this was the best way to be, growing up in this environment, to go along and agree with their thoughts and actions was the easiest thing to do... .in my mothers eyes she saw this as "dumb" and would often tell me I had problems (amongst other things!)My sister (whom is 5 years older than me) was, and is still an alcoholic.I was made to look after her. She still lives with my mother at the age of 47! My sisters relationships with men have never lasted more than 18 months , partly because she is volatile and because of her drinking but mainly because the mother has a way of turning people against each other and to only want and need her . I think this is for her fear of abandonment.
My mother would often ask me for money, she at one stage wanted to borrow $10,000 for a deposit on land so she could get a house built for her and my sister !

I was married to an alcoholic for 12 years . He was verbally and emotionally abusive . My sister and mother hated my choice of husband and told me regularly during my marriage. However when we separated, they sided with my ex husband to try and isolate me. They even went to his family (whom they hated from their first meeting) and said everything was my fault. Again, trying to Isolate me.

I thought after 12 months I would go and have group counselling with my Mother and sister. I wanted to find out how to have a better communication with them. It was the worst possible thing I could have ever done , They spent the whole time in the counselling session attacking me and blaming me for anything they could think of . After 50 minutes of me trying to justify and defend myself (for doing nothing wrong!) I had to leave the session. As I walked out of the room in tears, my insane mother started laughing tried to grab me and cuddle me and said "Aweee come here " , and my crazy sister screamed at her "what are you doing ! ? Don't touch her !"
If I can find anything positive out of the session it helped me finally become detached from them.

There are 100's of instances I could write about as they used to ruin every occasion for me and make it all about them, however I will leave it at that

  I have 3 amazing daughters who i have a close caring relationship with. I think about what I am teaching my girls , and in most instances I have to double check with myself to make sure I do not sound like my mother or sister . This is something that I don't think will ever go away. My biggest fear is to be like them
It's been 4 years and I still find in moments of weakness I reflect back on these toxic relationships. It still upsets me. I often wonder what it would be like to have a mother and sister to call and ask how my day was , with no hidden agenda behind them. It would also be nice to not have anxiety when I said no to their demands and wishes , knowing that their thought process is purely conditional and to out cast me is their only option ... But that is not my life.
I am moving on , I have found better relationships, good friends I can trust. I can now spot someone with a disorder instantly and know to keep them at an arms distance, or choose to not have them in my life whatsoever . The lesson in psychology has been learnt and never forgotten. What is that saying what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger 
Thanks for reading xxoo

[Turkish]

I think all of us here wish for the families we could have had rather than the ones we had.  If we made it here,  that goes beyond the usual,  normal,  family quirks.

Your therapy story is unbelievable (I mean that colloquially).  I wonder what the T thought?When my mother went off at me at 13 when I was forced to go into family counseling,  the therapist said nothing.  My mom left me to do therapy alone thereafter,  sleeping in the car while I got "fixed."

I'm glad that you are focusing upon your primary family.  I think that asking yourself questions by double checking yourself is good.  Many of us parents here do that.  It shows self awareness. 

What kinds of things do you watch yourself for?