One parent not willing to work on himself...what to do?

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi,

My 18 year old granddaughter was diagnosed with BPD and is willing to work on herself. She is starting DBT. Her dad does not see his part in it and thinks the problem is all hers. How do I get him to see that yelling at her does not help it is actually making it worse?

[Scared Silly]

Hi,

My 18 year old granddaughter was diagnosed with BPD and is willing to work on herself. She is starting DBT. Her dad does not see his part in it and thinks the problem is all hers. How do I get him to see that yelling at her does not help it is actually making it worse?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[AskingWhy]

Dear SS, I am so sorry to hear of the lack of support you are getting from her father.

You have heard, "It takes a village to raise a child."  In a sense, helping a pwBPD is, in essence, re-parenting them.

Psychologists, when diagnosing BPD, look to the family of origin (FOO), and you have stated the girl has a father who yells at her.   It take it from your context that the girl's father is not your son.

I guarantee the yelling is not helping your daughter.  Special communications are needed to help pwBPD move forward.   

Your grand D is seeking therapy because she know she has some unhealthy perceptions about the world, and she needs the support of her entire family.  Have you spoken to the girl's mother?

[Scared Silly]

Yes I have spoken to her mother (my daughter) and I have to be careful because she sees it as me throwing her husband "under the bus". I am stuck and really don't know how to approach this.