Co-parenting with a BPD ex

[inertcheese998]

After 12 years, I finally had enough abuse from my BPD wife. The abuse toward me and our 6 yr old son finally got to the point where  I was left asking "what am I hanging on to?"
Now in the middle of a divorce. She is making life difficult at everyturn. Demanding emails sent at 2 in the morning. Having our power shut off. Emotional abuse of our son during her visits, using what was discussed in mediation to punish him. Demanding to be allowed back into the home. My attorney fees just keep going up bc of her behavior.

Honestly, does it ever get easier. I fear co-parenting with her may be just slightly less miserable than life with her. I constantly worry about my son when he is with her. He does not want to go with her. As of now she has limited visitation, and will be on her best behavior, as far as physical abuse goes. But the verbal has always been worse.

Anyone out there who has gone through this with any words of wisdom?

[livednlearned]

Hi Inertcheese998,

Nice name  

Abuse toward my son was the final straw that got me to leave, too. The verbal abuse was insane.

It sounds like you were able to get primary custody and she has limited visitation? What's the schedule like?

People with BPD tend to struggle with boundaries, especially when dysregulated, which isn't surprising with a fresh divorce on deck. I'm guessing you don't read or respond to the emails at 2am... .

How is she able to shut off your power?

What are the main ways she is costing you attorney fees? I had a high-conflict ex (who happened to be a former trial lawyer), and he keep me in court for 4 years. I did learn a few things to curb the legal abuse, although it took a whole lot of effort to shut it down completely.

Does your son have a counselor? I wish I did family counseling with my son, although I'm a bit surprised that this isn't suggested by therapists. It certainly doesn't seem to be typical.

For me, it did get better, thanks to what I learned here from friends and other people who walked alongside me while I figured a few things out.

Glad you found the site.

LnL