Why did you return to BPDFamily?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I came back because I questioned my relationship with my GF and my GF's D15 shows some signs of deeper issues.

I left because I found being here reminded me of stuff I wanted to forget.
Coming back here did at first, it did re open some wounds. Made me think about things I had not thought about in a long time. So it was hard.
It reminded me of how I let myself be treated, the things I lost in the divorce, the things I gave up in my life.
But it didn't hurt. The more time I spend now and the more I read, It makes me so much more joyful that this is not my life anymore. When I am having a rough day it is a reminder of how much worse it was and there is so much I should be thankful for.
It makes me appreciate the relationship I have now.

I will say without the break from coming here I don't know I could have ever really let go and been able to put it behind me.

There were a lot of really good people here holding my hand through my problems and they still are. I just hope I can do the same to someone in return.

Another thing I love about this place, the people are awesome. caring, respectful, considerate. Hard to find that on the internet anymore.
Just kind of wish there was more of a general chit chat section sometimes.

[Hisaccount]

I came back because I questioned my relationship with my GF and my GF's D15 shows some signs of deeper issues.

I left because I found being here reminded me of stuff I wanted to forget.
Coming back here did at first, it did re open some wounds. Made me think about things I had not thought about in a long time. So it was hard.
It reminded me of how I let myself be treated, the things I lost in the divorce, the things I gave up in my life.
But it didn't hurt. The more time I spend now and the more I read, It makes me so much more joyful that this is not my life anymore. When I am having a rough day it is a reminder of how much worse it was and there is so much I should be thankful for.
It makes me appreciate the relationship I have now.

I will say without the break from coming here I don't know I could have ever really let go and been able to put it behind me.

There were a lot of really good people here holding my hand through my problems and they still are. I just hope I can do the same to someone in return.

Another thing I love about this place, the people are awesome. caring, respectful, considerate. Hard to find that on the internet anymore.
Just kind of wish there was more of a general chit chat section sometimes.

[once removed]

to practice and hone my skills and learn new ones. to help others do the same.

[heartandwhole]

There were a lot of really good people here holding my hand through my problems and they still are. I just hope I can do the same to someone in return.

This is a great reason to stick around, Hisaccount 

I’ve found it has helped me to grow as a person, and be part of something that brings value and caring to others. I think in these digital times, a sense of being part of a supportive community feels good.

heartandwhole

[Pretty Woman]

I came back because I could be honest with what I was dealing with and there were people who understood, didn't say "just get over it".

I am not on here as much as I used to be but I do stop by fromntime to time to check in and see if I can help someone or gain insight. 

[bengaltropicat]

I divorced the UBPDexH about 6 years ago.  It took me years to get there and there have been no regrets at all for leaving the marriage. Maybe because I was married for almost thirty years I had plenty of reasons to support the ultimate decision to get out of the marriage. 

In the first couple of years, I returned to this forum because the people here are not only understanding of what I was going through but they gave me great advice. 
No contact was the best advice and it works.  For people who have not experienced a BPD, it is impossible for them to understand the difficulties in leaving the relationship. BPD Family helped me tremendously and they were the closest I had to a caring family. 

Not too long ago circumstances occurred that involved brief contact with my ex BPDH.  It was shocking.  My current reference point for tolerable behavior does not extend to the planet he lives on.  I had changed so much, created a peaceful and calm life, and there it was; thrust into the crazy train again.  It was only for a couple of days but since the split I replaced the anger with sadness for him and for myself too.  They take something from us and if we survive, we can live happy productive lives.  Reconnecting due to a family emergency was inevitable and a testament to how far I have come thanks in large part to the people in this forum. From 2010-2012 I hopped on several times a day because it was the only place I could go to be validated and understood. I will be forever grateful for what this forum did for me.

[evanescent]

I returned because I want to help.

My uBPDw of 14 years is recently deceased and I want to help people to understand what they are experiencing. From just a few of the boxes checked in the DSM in our early years to the full blown all boxes checked in this last year. I've seen the hope, the despair, and the decade plus emotional struggle that rarely went far from her thoughts.

[MeandThee29]

One of my college kids was actually the one who first mentioned BPD. They took a high school psychology class.

Our therapist also treated my husband, first for his PTSD and then more recently after his suicide attempt. He quit therapy after a month of seeing her twice a week. So in a regular visit with her after we separated, I asked about BPD. Probably over the line in terms of privacy, but she told me that indeed he has BPD according to the diagnostic. He didn't stay long enough for her to discuss that. She had told me two years before that he had elements of narcissism from what I had related.

I came here to strengthen my resolve and help others. The therapist said the separation would be very ugly at first because of the abandonment issues, and then in time he would just make his own life rather than working on the issues as he said initially. He has not sought therapy as he said he would, and he recently went no contact with me. I had told a mutual friend here that he was very ill, and the friend emailed him, concerned. That blew up because he doesn't want anyone here to know what he's doing. So no contact. He's making his own life as the therapist predicted.

Time will tell, but being that past behavior is often a predictor, I could foresee more ugliness ahead. He doesn't like the financial side of our informal separation agreement. He's talked about filing for divorce, but that's well into 2018 if he goes no-fault.

So I remain.

[CloseToFreedom]

Since coming here first three years ago after the 'final' break up, I've had her attempt recycles numerous times, and fallen for them quite often. That means I am not totally done with this difficult 'dance', although I'm trying to ensure I am done now.

In short, I'm not totally BPD-free yet so I remain in need of the support.

When the most harsh feelings have dissapeared, I try to sometimes come here and help others with offering stories about my own experiences. It helps myself and if it can help someone else in the process, its all the better.

[Skip]

I returned to do the same mental health examination I did on my ex, to myself. I turned the microscope on me.

It's amazing what we don't see about ourselves... .out lack of self-awareness. It is also amazing ow long it takes to find something to do about it that works for you.

For me, I could eventually see how I was unrealistic in my relationship expectations. Not hugely unrealistic, just a bit (that's why it was hard to see), but a bit was enough to cause me great hurt. In short, I needed greater strength and a better idea of what a living relationship really is.

The other thing I saw was that I was not in the "90th percentile" of people with excellent people skills and I aspired to get there. That became a very pragmatic effort of learning, trying, retrying, modifying, learning.

It been a journey of life becoming more rewarding every year.