Do I have it too?

[Catbird]

A therapist in the mid 80's suggested I read book, "I hate you, don't leave me."  I don't remember reading it.  I was so afraid I had BPD.  The therapist never told me if it was about me or my Mom.

Now, years later I am listening to book about "Eggshells" from public library.  My Mom is still alive and yesterday we had a big blowup on the phone.  So, I am still confused after all these years and willing to figure out if it's me, her or both of us.  No doubt my life has been crazy making.
I appreciate the anonymity of this group. 
I am Catbird.  I am new.

[Turkish]

Hi Catbird,



A diagnosis is a clinical tool to make sense of behaviors.  Those behaviors are what cause it's pain.  What's causing conflict between you and your mom? It sounds like this has been going on for decades. 

T

[bright_future_mama]

I think as children of borderlines we THINK we have it.  I've often been scared I do, but I think it is just learned behavior.  My therapist says that the fact that I worry about it shows I don't have BPD.  I think we just picked up things growing up, because that was all we knew.  My father is NPD and mom is BPD.  I often think there is no way I could not be crazy since I'm the product of them.  Like I'm damaged goods.

[babyoctopus]

  welcome,

I've read and heard if you think you have it, you probably don't. When you are seeking answers and change, then you probably don't have it. BPDs tend to blame all their issues on someone other than themselves.

[HappyChappy]

I've read and heard if you think you have it, you probably don't.

Agreed. A core symptom of BPD is not to accept any blame or negative labels. So you don't appear BPD from what little you have told us.

We do however pick up "fleas" from our parents. Meaning we may have picked up attributes, such as hypervigelance, but those attributes can be changed with CBT etc. C-PTSD and depression are also common among kids of BPD, which share some symptoms with BPD. But the key differentiator is empathy. A BPD doesn't have it. What aspects lead you to think you may have it ?

[Catbird]

Thank you for responding to my 1st post.  I am relieved to hear those who think they have it, may not.  Yes, I am sure I learned behaviors from parents.

I have been listening to audio book, "stop walking on eggshells".  I am getting so much from it.

I have survived by using many self help processes.  All have helped and this new piece is helping me understand why. I have done AA, Alanon, RC, ACOA, individual therapy, primal therapy, cult-like groups, meditation, finally Byron Katie. All have helped.

Mom is in her 80's now. Brother is caring for her.  She is still alive & I am scared if something happens to him, it will fall onto me.  I have had minimal contact for the past 4 years.  I have been much happier.
So glad I can still learn new skills at this point in my life.
One new skill is trying to understand the message board. 

[beads]

It sounds like the same question I have been asking myself.  My mother is BPD and my father was OCD.  I often wonder how I've functioned as well as I have.  I do have many anxieties and am working with a therapist.  It is through him that I found out my mother was BPD. I've been afraid to ask him if I am, but after reading these comments, I am not.  I have a lot of empathy and I tend to take blame even when I shouldn't.

[Enabler]

Hello Catbird, thank ladies for introducing yourself. You sure have done a lot of different types of therapies. How were they effective and what have you learnt along the way about your experiences growing up.

I didn't experience growing up with a borderline mother, I'd imagine it was pretty chaotic and often very confusing. I believe my wife did and I can see the impacts on her today.

What do you feel are some of the significant behaviours that caused the most challenges for you when you were growing up and how do they impact you today?

Really looking forward to hearing from you.