Is she a quiet BPD? If so, what should I expect next? Is this really all over?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I'm writing this in order to help clarify in my mind what all has transpired with my now ex gf or so I think. I'm convinced she has undiagnosed BPD and one counsellour and a psychologist have agreed with me thus far but she hasn't been formally assessed as of yet. I've suggested she see a psychiatrist in order to be formally assessed and I suggested to her that DBT would work wonders for her and us, but, as I've come to know is common she's dodging this assessment and said to me that her family doctor didn't think she needed to see a psychiatrist so wouldn't refer her. I found this answer from her to be a load of nonsense as I've seen a few doctors in my time and not once, not once, when I asked for a referral to see a specialist was I ever denied from the doctor. Anyway, I'll get into the story or the majority of it and please let me know what you think. Is she uBPD? If so, what should I expect from her next given what she's been saying recently? Should I go NC and forget about her? Is it probable that she will come back and want to rekindle after she's thought about how long we've been together, what we've been through and that I love her and she starts to feel lonely and I'd hope misses me?

Well we have been together for 2.5 years and met online. She told me that she had bad luck with guys and had 3-4 guys in a row just disappear, no talk, no text, no nothing, after anywhere from 2-6 months of dating. She called them "caspers" and asked me repeatedly why I thought this was and I must admit I did find this behaviour strange and it often made me think too, why? This girl is very pretty, attractive curvy body, works hard, seems innocent and pure, believes in church, reads a bit and seems to have had alot of bad luck. So I dismissed this quandary and put off trying to really investigate it as she herself has/had no idea as to why these 3-4 different guys did the same thing in a row. I think I know why now but that doesn't do me much service now!  We talked on the phone alot at the beginning when not in person, sometimes for almost 3 hours at a time. I thought this couldn't be a bad thing. I did notice that the first 5 dates came and went and she never even gestured to pay the dinner bill. This bothered me so I confronted her about it and she said that she was brought up that the guy always pays and that's how it is with her sister and her husband so she just thought that was normal. I said that's not how I was brought up and that after the first few dates then it should go on a rotation or 50/50. She called this "going splits" but knew what I was saying. So we then went that way, rotating who payed. I noticed a few things that still stand out to me but that didn't mean much at the time. First off, when we would play fight or wrestle she would fight or wrestle like it was to the death. I mean she would use dirty fighting tactics like pulling my hair, biting my arms, pulling on my small fingers, stomping her heel into my calf, fish hooking my mouth with her finger, etc... .  This behaviour totally killed any mood that otherwise would have been there. This leads into the 3 assaults I was victim to. The first we were play wrestling on her bed and out of nowhere she slapped me hard across the face! I was shocked and had zero idea where this came from. I told her never to do that again and I think she knew I was serious. The second assault was a major one and I am positive I witnessed a psychotic break as her eyes looked like the devil in a trance and she was shaking, with fists clenched and just said to "don't touch me" and ran into the bedroom after. This all occurred when she needed to print something off and needed to use my ancient laptop to do it. I said sure you can, but it takes some time and I proceeded to load the computer up. As it was booting up I was joking around with her as I could see she was anxious about having to have this printout immediately even though it could have waited at least a few days. I guess she didn't find my joking funny at all and lost it! She pushed me as hard as she could with both hands and put her body weight into it. I was not expecting this whatsoever and so wasn't balanced, wasn't looking and was caught off guard. As I was falling I put my arms out to break my fall as I have been taught in martial arts classes I regularly attend. This is great advice and works, except in this case I attempted to break my fall with my outstretched arms right into a jutting out corner which was in my old apartment. I nearly snapped my arm in half and it hurt for over a week! I then looked at her in bewilderment and that is when I saw the devil in her face, in that trance and she then said "don't touch me" and ran into the bedroom. I should also say that periodically when I would try to cuddle her while standing or try to initiate sex - which I had to do every single time except once - she would say "you're gonna get hurt." At the times I thought this was a joking thing she said but after the major assault I wasn't so sure. The last time she assaulted me was approximately 2 months ago and I was driving my car and she was saying something and I mimicked her as I found it funny what she said. I wasn't mocking her but I found it funny and endearing the way she said it. She mistook what I said as me mocking her and said after she slapped me in the face again that her step-dad did that alot and she never liked it! I was driving and she slapped me hard in the face once again despite me saying never to do that again and I was shocked yet again.
I noticed for a long time that she didn't have much to say on most topics so I just dismissed it as her being quiet. I still think she is quieter than most and that's ok. What I find strange is how she would go from talking and seemingly having a good time, joking, laughing, etc... .and you say something she doesn't like or perceives the wrong way by tone, facial expression, etc... .then goes dead quiet and just sits there. I'd ask what's wrong and then she say either "nothing" or "you say I'm too sensitive so I'm  not saying anything." This communication style continued the entire duration of the relationship despite me trying to get her to talk numerous times. Is this terrible communication typical of BPD? I should also say that when she went quiet out-of-the-blue she was very angry about something and wouldn't say what or why but would bottle it up. I later learned she did this because when she's get upset and actually vent or talk or "that's it, this isn't working, we need to break up" she'd then rehash stuff that I didn't even know had bothered her or that happened months, or years prior!
I noticed that she wasn't very sexual hardly at all. I still don't know what to make of this so if anyone can shed some light I'd appreciate it very much. So, for the entire relationship sex always seemed to be a struggle with her. Like I said above I had to initiate and almost convince her to want to have sex every single time except for once when she initiated it. I was puzzled by this behaviour because I'm a decently attractive guy and workout very often and have never encountered this before. I asked her if I wasn't attractive even recently and she said "no no you're very attractive and you know the kind of guys I've dated before" they were fat and out of shape, some of them grossly. The one guy was an alcoholic and looked like he was 70 even though he was only low 30s. The sex wasn't even "normal" as compared to what I'd had in many past jonts. She established pretty quickly on that her only way to orgasm was to receive oral sex and if I wasn't prepared to do that all the time then what was in it for her? As in, if I didn't want to go down on her almost every time then why should she have sex with me... .  I find that ridiculous on it's own yet I went along with it being by this point I cared for her quite a bit, she had grown on me and I thought it may get better with time - it DID NOT. I should also say that in 2.5 years she only ever went down on me outright once and I practically had to push her, she didn't want to do it. She was ok with 69 but that again was satisfying her needs too. When it came to cuddling she was very on/off with that and always put up a big deal about me wanting to cuddle her. When we slept together she made it be known she didn't like to be cuddled or touched. This was hard for me as I like to cuddle and touch most of the night. When we ended up living together for technically 4 months but in reality 2, I was able to cuddle her more but it was always a struggle and she always made it so she was comfortable and I had to accommodate her. She was ok with kissing routinely but I noticed at the beginning she wouldn't let me kiss her on the first date, or the second, on the third or fourth she finally kissed me and before that when I asked her why she didn't want to even though she said she had a great time, she said because "the guy has to do the chasing." That always stuck out with me as being something strange to say but nevertheless it was said.
This leads me into some instances of manipulation and usery I fell victim too. The first time was when she started sleeping over at my apartment. She said she needed coffee in the morning and i don't drink coffee. She knew my parents were coming to visit in a week or two and they drink coffee so she suggested that I get a coffee maker for them so they can have it in the mornings. She then said "well until they get here I could use it." I thought this was a good idea and so got one. My parents didn't end up coming and I was going to return this coffee maker but she convinced me to keep being as she was already using it. The next instance involved her saying it would be nice for me to drop her off at work in the morning after she stayed over the night. Normally she'd drive to the shuttle train then take that to her work - at the time. She convinced me it would be a very nice thing to do and benefit us both as she could then leave her car parked outside my apartment and then it would be easier for after work for us to visit. At the time I felt like she was just using me to save on some gas, train fare and time but I overlooked it wanting to believe her intentions were good and she just wanted to see me more and this was easier. I later confronted her on this as it was bothering me to have to drive in dense downtown traffic during rush hour to get her to work. I should say that during that drive to work she was biting her lip, obviously very anxious and upset because she was worried about being late for work and hate(d)(s) being late for anything and I was cutting it close. So, when I confronted her, she told me that she wanted me to drive her to work as she didn't feel safe on the train as there are some drunks and sketchy people on it so she thought I'd want her to be safe and the easiest way to do that would be for me to drive her. Obviously I wanted to believe her and did as I really liked her by then and didn't want her to get hurt. There were a few other instances but I need to tell other parts of the story.
So then, the break ups/makes up. She "broke up" with me 4, maybe 5 times including most recently. The first one occurred approximately 3 months or so in and made zero sense to me and we talked and walked and somehow she reasoned we should keep going even though nothing had happened to warrant this. The second time, I was watching a movie on my couch and she called me up and said in between crying "that's it, this isn't working, we need to break up." I think I laughed or almost laughed because I found this to be so ridiculous, unwarranted and out-of-the-blue. I had done nothing to illicit that reaction and thought things were running smoothly with us and we were getting to know each other and all was well. That instance occurred approximately 8 months in. The third "break up" happened while we were living together and had been for technically 3 months. I went home to visit my family in another province and was going to be away for 3 weeks. I told her of this long before hand and told her I was going to be doing construction labour for most of the time in between seeing my family and a few days to see some friends. She seemed alright with it but said I should have asked her to come too. Looking back I should have asked her to come too but I didn't because I know she wouldn't want to help do any of the work. I got her to help cut a lawn with me when she did come to visit the previous year for a week and it took twice as long and I had to endure all kinds of nagging, complaining and whining about it. I didn't want to go through that for 3 weeks when I had to get this house renovated. Anyhow, after two weeks working and talking to her every day/night on the phone, and saying "i love yous," she called me and said that "this isn't working and we need to break up." I was utterly shocked and confused. I couldn't even talk to her in person because I wasn't scheduled to fly back for another week and had to help my family renovate this house. So I called her sister to ask what the hell was happening. Her sister let it slip that not even two days after she had dropped me off at the airport she went apartment looking and put a $200 deposit down on a place of her own! I confronted her about this on the phone that night and she said that "I was going to tell you but didn't want to until I had fully moved out because I know how mad you can get." I was like What the heck! I would have come home to an empty place and her gone and she wasn't even going to tell me and all the while, while she was moving she was telling me everyday how much she loved me, missed me and couldn't wait to see me... .  CRAZY... .Anyways, I bought into her nonsense that I was the problem and that is why she needed to move out and break up. I vowed to improve on everything she stated as the problems and deeply apologized for the ones i couldn't improve on as that time had passed. Her sister and brother-in law convinced her to attend couples counselling with me and we went. We got a bad counsellour and going into our third and what would be last session, we went in smiling and happy holding hands. Came out she didn't want me to touch her, and was thinking of breaking up yet again - I could tell. Fast forward two weeks from that counselling session and she broke up with me. This time seemed more real. She has run out of excuses so is saying "I don't love you anymore" and like usual said "I knew this was over two weeks ago" but kept seeing me, kissing me, cuddling me and making plans together the whole time leading up to it. Why would she do that every time? Two weeks build up before dropping me when it appeared everything was going great... .
Anyways, after this most recent break up, I dropped off her stuff. As I was dropping off her stuff she was crying but I could tell it wasn't because of the break up. She then touch both of my arms, looked slightly away and told me she "just hopes I don't think she's crazy" as I asked her what was wrong. What the heck? Anyway, we barely spoke much that week except for a 2 hour phone chat about possible issues. Then that weekend we spent the entire evening and night, both nights together. Kissed lots, cried together, held hands, cuddled... .  Seemed things were going to be back as per "normal." I got her some groceries that sunday, was helping her with a bio she needed written because she's not a great writer, massage her sore arms... .  Then the very next night while I'm at work finishing this bio she messages me and answers a few questions I have about it, then says matter of factly "I don't think we should talk or see each other for an undefined period of time." I'm like What the heck this is crazy! Just last night we were together and everything seemed great! Since that we've barely spoke, barely texted, exchanged a few emails. She is now saying "I still need space." Yet has said she cares about me but doesn't love me.

[BigHeartHurting]

So I'm writing this in order to help clarify in my mind what all has transpired with my now ex gf or so I think. I'm convinced she has undiagnosed BPD and one counsellour and a psychologist have agreed with me thus far but she hasn't been formally assessed as of yet. I've suggested she see a psychiatrist in order to be formally assessed and I suggested to her that DBT would work wonders for her and us, but, as I've come to know is common she's dodging this assessment and said to me that her family doctor didn't think she needed to see a psychiatrist so wouldn't refer her. I found this answer from her to be a load of nonsense as I've seen a few doctors in my time and not once, not once, when I asked for a referral to see a specialist was I ever denied from the doctor. Anyway, I'll get into the story or the majority of it and please let me know what you think. Is she uBPD? If so, what should I expect from her next given what she's been saying recently? Should I go NC and forget about her? Is it probable that she will come back and want to rekindle after she's thought about how long we've been together, what we've been through and that I love her and she starts to feel lonely and I'd hope misses me?

Well we have been together for 2.5 years and met online. She told me that she had bad luck with guys and had 3-4 guys in a row just disappear, no talk, no text, no nothing, after anywhere from 2-6 months of dating. She called them "caspers" and asked me repeatedly why I thought this was and I must admit I did find this behaviour strange and it often made me think too, why? This girl is very pretty, attractive curvy body, works hard, seems innocent and pure, believes in church, reads a bit and seems to have had alot of bad luck. So I dismissed this quandary and put off trying to really investigate it as she herself has/had no idea as to why these 3-4 different guys did the same thing in a row. I think I know why now but that doesn't do me much service now!  We talked on the phone alot at the beginning when not in person, sometimes for almost 3 hours at a time. I thought this couldn't be a bad thing. I did notice that the first 5 dates came and went and she never even gestured to pay the dinner bill. This bothered me so I confronted her about it and she said that she was brought up that the guy always pays and that's how it is with her sister and her husband so she just thought that was normal. I said that's not how I was brought up and that after the first few dates then it should go on a rotation or 50/50. She called this "going splits" but knew what I was saying. So we then went that way, rotating who payed. I noticed a few things that still stand out to me but that didn't mean much at the time. First off, when we would play fight or wrestle she would fight or wrestle like it was to the death. I mean she would use dirty fighting tactics like pulling my hair, biting my arms, pulling on my small fingers, stomping her heel into my calf, fish hooking my mouth with her finger, etc... .  This behaviour totally killed any mood that otherwise would have been there. This leads into the 3 assaults I was victim to. The first we were play wrestling on her bed and out of nowhere she slapped me hard across the face! I was shocked and had zero idea where this came from. I told her never to do that again and I think she knew I was serious. The second assault was a major one and I am positive I witnessed a psychotic break as her eyes looked like the devil in a trance and she was shaking, with fists clenched and just said to "don't touch me" and ran into the bedroom after. This all occurred when she needed to print something off and needed to use my ancient laptop to do it. I said sure you can, but it takes some time and I proceeded to load the computer up. As it was booting up I was joking around with her as I could see she was anxious about having to have this printout immediately even though it could have waited at least a few days. I guess she didn't find my joking funny at all and lost it! She pushed me as hard as she could with both hands and put her body weight into it. I was not expecting this whatsoever and so wasn't balanced, wasn't looking and was caught off guard. As I was falling I put my arms out to break my fall as I have been taught in martial arts classes I regularly attend. This is great advice and works, except in this case I attempted to break my fall with my outstretched arms right into a jutting out corner which was in my old apartment. I nearly snapped my arm in half and it hurt for over a week! I then looked at her in bewilderment and that is when I saw the devil in her face, in that trance and she then said "don't touch me" and ran into the bedroom. I should also say that periodically when I would try to cuddle her while standing or try to initiate sex - which I had to do every single time except once - she would say "you're gonna get hurt." At the times I thought this was a joking thing she said but after the major assault I wasn't so sure. The last time she assaulted me was approximately 2 months ago and I was driving my car and she was saying something and I mimicked her as I found it funny what she said. I wasn't mocking her but I found it funny and endearing the way she said it. She mistook what I said as me mocking her and said after she slapped me in the face again that her step-dad did that alot and she never liked it! I was driving and she slapped me hard in the face once again despite me saying never to do that again and I was shocked yet again.
I noticed for a long time that she didn't have much to say on most topics so I just dismissed it as her being quiet. I still think she is quieter than most and that's ok. What I find strange is how she would go from talking and seemingly having a good time, joking, laughing, etc... .and you say something she doesn't like or perceives the wrong way by tone, facial expression, etc... .then goes dead quiet and just sits there. I'd ask what's wrong and then she say either "nothing" or "you say I'm too sensitive so I'm  not saying anything." This communication style continued the entire duration of the relationship despite me trying to get her to talk numerous times. Is this terrible communication typical of BPD? I should also say that when she went quiet out-of-the-blue she was very angry about something and wouldn't say what or why but would bottle it up. I later learned she did this because when she's get upset and actually vent or talk or "that's it, this isn't working, we need to break up" she'd then rehash stuff that I didn't even know had bothered her or that happened months, or years prior!
I noticed that she wasn't very sexual hardly at all. I still don't know what to make of this so if anyone can shed some light I'd appreciate it very much. So, for the entire relationship sex always seemed to be a struggle with her. Like I said above I had to initiate and almost convince her to want to have sex every single time except for once when she initiated it. I was puzzled by this behaviour because I'm a decently attractive guy and workout very often and have never encountered this before. I asked her if I wasn't attractive even recently and she said "no no you're very attractive and you know the kind of guys I've dated before" they were fat and out of shape, some of them grossly. The one guy was an alcoholic and looked like he was 70 even though he was only low 30s. The sex wasn't even "normal" as compared to what I'd had in many past jonts. She established pretty quickly on that her only way to orgasm was to receive oral sex and if I wasn't prepared to do that all the time then what was in it for her? As in, if I didn't want to go down on her almost every time then why should she have sex with me... .  I find that ridiculous on it's own yet I went along with it being by this point I cared for her quite a bit, she had grown on me and I thought it may get better with time - it DID NOT. I should also say that in 2.5 years she only ever went down on me outright once and I practically had to push her, she didn't want to do it. She was ok with 69 but that again was satisfying her needs too. When it came to cuddling she was very on/off with that and always put up a big deal about me wanting to cuddle her. When we slept together she made it be known she didn't like to be cuddled or touched. This was hard for me as I like to cuddle and touch most of the night. When we ended up living together for technically 4 months but in reality 2, I was able to cuddle her more but it was always a struggle and she always made it so she was comfortable and I had to accommodate her. She was ok with kissing routinely but I noticed at the beginning she wouldn't let me kiss her on the first date, or the second, on the third or fourth she finally kissed me and before that when I asked her why she didn't want to even though she said she had a great time, she said because "the guy has to do the chasing." That always stuck out with me as being something strange to say but nevertheless it was said.
This leads me into some instances of manipulation and usery I fell victim too. The first time was when she started sleeping over at my apartment. She said she needed coffee in the morning and i don't drink coffee. She knew my parents were coming to visit in a week or two and they drink coffee so she suggested that I get a coffee maker for them so they can have it in the mornings. She then said "well until they get here I could use it." I thought this was a good idea and so got one. My parents didn't end up coming and I was going to return this coffee maker but she convinced me to keep being as she was already using it. The next instance involved her saying it would be nice for me to drop her off at work in the morning after she stayed over the night. Normally she'd drive to the shuttle train then take that to her work - at the time. She convinced me it would be a very nice thing to do and benefit us both as she could then leave her car parked outside my apartment and then it would be easier for after work for us to visit. At the time I felt like she was just using me to save on some gas, train fare and time but I overlooked it wanting to believe her intentions were good and she just wanted to see me more and this was easier. I later confronted her on this as it was bothering me to have to drive in dense downtown traffic during rush hour to get her to work. I should say that during that drive to work she was biting her lip, obviously very anxious and upset because she was worried about being late for work and hate(d)(s) being late for anything and I was cutting it close. So, when I confronted her, she told me that she wanted me to drive her to work as she didn't feel safe on the train as there are some drunks and sketchy people on it so she thought I'd want her to be safe and the easiest way to do that would be for me to drive her. Obviously I wanted to believe her and did as I really liked her by then and didn't want her to get hurt. There were a few other instances but I need to tell other parts of the story.
So then, the break ups/makes up. She "broke up" with me 4, maybe 5 times including most recently. The first one occurred approximately 3 months or so in and made zero sense to me and we talked and walked and somehow she reasoned we should keep going even though nothing had happened to warrant this. The second time, I was watching a movie on my couch and she called me up and said in between crying "that's it, this isn't working, we need to break up." I think I laughed or almost laughed because I found this to be so ridiculous, unwarranted and out-of-the-blue. I had done nothing to illicit that reaction and thought things were running smoothly with us and we were getting to know each other and all was well. That instance occurred approximately 8 months in. The third "break up" happened while we were living together and had been for technically 3 months. I went home to visit my family in another province and was going to be away for 3 weeks. I told her of this long before hand and told her I was going to be doing construction labour for most of the time in between seeing my family and a few days to see some friends. She seemed alright with it but said I should have asked her to come too. Looking back I should have asked her to come too but I didn't because I know she wouldn't want to help do any of the work. I got her to help cut a lawn with me when she did come to visit the previous year for a week and it took twice as long and I had to endure all kinds of nagging, complaining and whining about it. I didn't want to go through that for 3 weeks when I had to get this house renovated. Anyhow, after two weeks working and talking to her every day/night on the phone, and saying "i love yous," she called me and said that "this isn't working and we need to break up." I was utterly shocked and confused. I couldn't even talk to her in person because I wasn't scheduled to fly back for another week and had to help my family renovate this house. So I called her sister to ask what the hell was happening. Her sister let it slip that not even two days after she had dropped me off at the airport she went apartment looking and put a $200 deposit down on a place of her own! I confronted her about this on the phone that night and she said that "I was going to tell you but didn't want to until I had fully moved out because I know how mad you can get." I was like What the heck! I would have come home to an empty place and her gone and she wasn't even going to tell me and all the while, while she was moving she was telling me everyday how much she loved me, missed me and couldn't wait to see me... .  CRAZY... .Anyways, I bought into her nonsense that I was the problem and that is why she needed to move out and break up. I vowed to improve on everything she stated as the problems and deeply apologized for the ones i couldn't improve on as that time had passed. Her sister and brother-in law convinced her to attend couples counselling with me and we went. We got a bad counsellour and going into our third and what would be last session, we went in smiling and happy holding hands. Came out she didn't want me to touch her, and was thinking of breaking up yet again - I could tell. Fast forward two weeks from that counselling session and she broke up with me. This time seemed more real. She has run out of excuses so is saying "I don't love you anymore" and like usual said "I knew this was over two weeks ago" but kept seeing me, kissing me, cuddling me and making plans together the whole time leading up to it. Why would she do that every time? Two weeks build up before dropping me when it appeared everything was going great... .
Anyways, after this most recent break up, I dropped off her stuff. As I was dropping off her stuff she was crying but I could tell it wasn't because of the break up. She then touch both of my arms, looked slightly away and told me she "just hopes I don't think she's crazy" as I asked her what was wrong. What the heck? Anyway, we barely spoke much that week except for a 2 hour phone chat about possible issues. Then that weekend we spent the entire evening and night, both nights together. Kissed lots, cried together, held hands, cuddled... .  Seemed things were going to be back as per "normal." I got her some groceries that sunday, was helping her with a bio she needed written because she's not a great writer, massage her sore arms... .  Then the very next night while I'm at work finishing this bio she messages me and answers a few questions I have about it, then says matter of factly "I don't think we should talk or see each other for an undefined period of time." I'm like What the heck this is crazy! Just last night we were together and everything seemed great! Since that we've barely spoke, barely texted, exchanged a few emails. She is now saying "I still need space." Yet has said she cares about me but doesn't love me.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi BigHeartHurting and Welcome 

Thanks for sharing your story.  You've come to the right place.  I can hear lots of confusion in your post and this is something that runs through so many first posts here, so others can certainly relate to you on this.  Although we can't diagnose here, it sounds like you have had a tough time with some behaviour that may stem from BPD, particularly the push/pull, which is a coping mechanism for the fear of abandonment that a pwBPD struggles with.

I'm really sorry to hear about the violence towards you.  When was the last time anything like this happened?  It does sound like she was bottling up emotions in connection with perceived slights and then venting later, from what you describe.  It's very sad to hear that this manifested in this way at times.  How do you feel about that?  Is it something you consider a risk?  There is a great link on the site to the MOSAIC threat assessment tool, which you can find HERE, should you decide to look at it now or in the future.  I found it really helpful when assessing my own situation, so I can recommend it as useful to consider.  Safety is important for both your sake's should you choose to work on things.

Is she uBPD? If so, what should I expect from her next given what she's been saying recently? Should I go NC and forget about her? Is it probable that she will come back and want to rekindle after she's thought about how long we've been together, what we've been through and that I love her and she starts to feel lonely and I'd hope misses me?

What would you like to ideally see happen between yourself and your ex?  Two weeks is not long and things can change.  Now might be a good time to really think about how you'd like your future to look and what you'd be willing to put into the r/s if you were to try again.

It is very common for exBPD partners to reconnect with a view to recycling relationships and sometimes this can happen multiple times.  Every individual is different of course, as BPD is a spectrum disorder.  The main thing is to know what you want and be prepared for if she does reach out so that you can handle that effectively, having put some thought into it.   

There are fantastic articles and lessons here on the site and I'd highly recommend you take the time to have a look around and also read others' posts.  You will see you're not alone and that others' situations and experiences can be helpful in gaining perspective on your own.  If you are hopeful that she will come back to try again, I'd encourage you to start looking at the basic relationship skills, which you can find using the Tools tab on the header menu above.

In the meantime, stay in touch and let us know how best we can support you.  We can help.

Love and light x