Dreamed that my BPD mom has passed away

[Sarah girl]

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I've come here. I've been LC with my BPD mom for over two years now. It seems I communicate with her less and less. I very often feel guilty about this. Last night, I dreamed that my BPD mom had died. I don't remember much from the dream except that I didn't have the standard feeling of grief or loss. I remember feeling like I needed to take some kind of action but I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I was also trying to recall what the last thing I said to her was. I felt very emotionally disconnected. I'm not sure what this all means. Thanks for letting me share  

[Fie]

Hello Sara girl 

I also have a BPDmum. I recently shared with my therapist that I felt guilty and mean because when I think about the moment my mum would die, I don't think I would grieve.

My therapist did not agree and said this was natural, not mean. She said that mean is when I would do something to my mum that would really hurt her, on purpose, just for the pleasure of it.

I think your dream might be a reflection of the way you are feeling during the day : you are feeling guilty so in your dream you have the feeling that you should do something and you are thinking about what the last thing you said to her, was. In real life you probably have wondered about if you have tried enough to reconcile, so you'd not regret anything when she dies.

I think once you realize that its ok to do nothing, and to feel nothing, this kind of dreams will stop.

What do you think ?

xxx

[Struggles]

Hi Sarah,

I'm so sorry you had that dream.  I hate those sort of dreams!  I agree with what Fie said.  I think with the guilt you are feeling, that in the back of your mind you probably do fear that this will happen, and wonder what the last words you will have said to her were.  Because the relationships with BPDs are never a constant, you never know what state the relationship will be in at any given stage of life. 

I recently went NC with my MIL, and have been having dreams.  At first, they were bad ones and scary ones, and now they are just in passing and not bad dreams. 

I think it's because when I started having the dreams was when we first went NC and I was scared, and my anxiety level was maxed out.  And now as the weeks pass, I still am scared and have the anxiety, but no where near what it was.  I'm becoming more at peace with the decision. 

Sending hope for peace your way!