My adult son suddenly went off his meds

[mamakim]

My 19 year old son has decided he wants to go into the military after college. This would be fine except he has been on an anti-psychotic mood stabilizer for 2 years due to many dysregulated, violent episodes. When he found out he can't be on the meds for the military, he suddenly stopped his meds even against the recommendation of his prescribing nurse practitioner.
Now he is quite easily agitated and has a negative attitude. He also lost yet another job.
I need to add that he moved out of our home in Sept and rents a room in a town about a half hour away. He also is in his second year of college

I am struggling with missing him being at home and wanting to see him OR
listening to friends and family who say i shouldn't be around his emotional abuse to me. He did a full year of DBT and i learned a lot. However, he doesnt use the skills he learned much and no longer wants to go to therapy.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hi Mamakim!     Glad you found us.

All of us come to this forum with some heartache... .life certainly not what we wanted it to be. 

Sounds like it has been a roller coaster ride for you.  There was a rough beginning... .then your son agrees to go to DBT training, gets on meds to stabilize himself... .all is rosy.  How difficult for you when he made the decision to come off his meds and seems you are back to square 1.

If your son has anger issues, I agree with your friends/family that you should keep yourself safe and if that means not being around him... .so-be-it.   That is a difficult thing for a mother to do.  I know that all too well.

Our saga with our uBPD daughter has gone on for about 40 years now... .ups/downs/ups/downs.  When things were good... .they were very good.  When things went sour... .her anger would flare.  We were warned that her verbal abuse could well turn to physical abuse... .and finally the time came when we knew we had to take a stand.  She had to agree to joint counselling with us... .or we kept our distance from her.  She is adamant joint counselling will never happen.  She was comfortable with the status quo... .wants life to continue as it has in the past.  No!

It is good to read that you participated when your son was going to DBT... .and good to read "I learned a lot."  Bottom line, Mamakim, is that we all make our own choices... .we can't change others... .we can just change ourselves.  Your son is making choices that are not good for him and that is, indeed, sad... .and frightening to you as a Mom.

I encourage you to continue being a participant on this board.  You can see to the left that there is so much information available on how to deal with someone who shows BPD behaviours and, just as important, how to look after yourself.  Your story does resonate with others who face similar problems.  It is good for them to know they are not alone... .it is good for you to know you are not alone.  Feels good to help each other... .get much needed support.  Keep us posted.

From one Mom to another... .a hug.   

[mamakim]

Wow! Thank you for that kind greeting and validation .  40 years is such a long time! You must be a very strong woman! I am so grateful to find a group where people share and help each other. Sometimes it feels like no one understands, not even the therapist I am now seeing because of my codependency. I am definitely using the serenity prayer as my mantra so I can focus on changing myself, not him. Thanks again