My exwBPD is killing me.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hey guys again, So, an update. We've been talking on the phone a bit, recently, and she's been playing mind games with me. She said last Wed, that her life is a mess, she's kept the letters, and has locked away, my gifts my mother and I have bought her. And said "if you wanna start again, we have to be friends for a while" and compared us to my friend and his wife. So, the next day, I ask her about this. She denies all knowledge, says I got the wrong idea, etc, etc. I block her, on Social Media, Back to no contact. She then rings me because I text her saying ___ is going down with rumors, that she has made. We talk, clear the air a bit. I say to her, "is there a chance?" "No". She met an American dude, we're in the UK, A week after we broke up, and fell in love with him. She told me last week, that his ex hates her, called her a pile of ___ etc etc.


She then said a few days ago on the phone, that she'll send me a Christmas card, and that she wants me to text her, about my mother's hosptial appt's. I don't know what the ___ she's doing. She even said "I wondered if you ever loved me". And I thought, I proved that by taking her back after she replaced me during our FIRST break up.

[TonettaTheGreat]

Hey guys again, So, an update. We've been talking on the phone a bit, recently, and she's been playing mind games with me. She said last Wed, that her life is a mess, she's kept the letters, and has locked away, my gifts my mother and I have bought her. And said "if you wanna start again, we have to be friends for a while" and compared us to my friend and his wife. So, the next day, I ask her about this. She denies all knowledge, says I got the wrong idea, etc, etc. I block her, on Social Media, Back to no contact. She then rings me because I text her saying ___ is going down with rumors, that she has made. We talk, clear the air a bit. I say to her, "is there a chance?" "No". She met an American dude, we're in the UK, A week after we broke up, and fell in love with him. She told me last week, that his ex hates her, called her a pile of ___ etc etc.


She then said a few days ago on the phone, that she'll send me a Christmas card, and that she wants me to text her, about my mother's hosptial appt's. I don't know what the ___ she's doing. She even said "I wondered if you ever loved me". And I thought, I proved that by taking her back after she replaced me during our FIRST break up.

[vanx]

TonettaTheGreat, I'm sorry for what you're going through but glad you reached out. Suffice it to say, it is a distressing place to be wanting something from a person and feeling back and forth in the interactions. I imagine it is especially tough to hear your feelings of love questioned. I know it's not easy, but I think your best bet here is to take control of the only things you can, in this case I think your expectations and actions. Are you wanting to reconcile things? It sounds like you have done what you can to show what you want. Perhaps she is exhibiting some push/pull. You have the power to decide whether you will allow yourself to be part of that! This is my opinion, that no matter what the future holds for the relationship, you owe it to yourself to focus on you right now, not what she is thinking or doing. Hang in there.

[Justbecause]

Man you must be feeling such stress, and the pain of her being with another guy.

Few lessons in reality.

If she was in love with you he wouldn't exist, if she was in love with him she wouldn't be keeping you hanging. She is playing, desperate to not be left alone. My gut and experience says the happily ever after you want won't exist, ever.

NC this woman, and investigate the guilt you feel and that keeps bringing you back. That "... .You never loved me " thing is a pure guilt trip, she making you prove it.

Been there and done it, it's all about control, don't allow it to continue.

Use this place to hurt and vent, we have all been through horrible hurtful experiences. It's narcissistic abuse, get away!

[TonettaTheGreat]

I wish she'd get help. She has Avoidance Personality Disorder, too. Maybe she prefers online dating. I don't really know. She asked me to send her back, the gifts, when I said I was giving hers to good will.

[limetaste]

I wish she'd get help. She has Avoidance Personality Disorder, too. Maybe she prefers online dating. I don't really know. She asked me to send her back, the gifts, when I said I was giving hers to good will.

If she has avoidance personality disorder you're most likely are not going to see her at the night club trying to hook up one night stands.

[TonettaTheGreat]

Oh no doubt, She's never really dated anyone, except me and her roommate, she came over to see me with her mother. I miss her

[limetaste]

Oh no doubt, She's never really dated anyone, except me and her roommate, she came over to see me with her mother. I miss her

Like you said, online-dating would be more of a factor. And maybe she never even will meet up with the people she talks to due to her other personality disorder. And if she will hook up with a person from online-dating it would be someone she talked with for a long time and getting some sort of deeper connection with. BPD's with AVPD will most likely start with drugs or other self-destructive behaviour. I think the percentage of suicide is 50%.

This will also make the chances for her to come back to you a lot greater since she have a connection with you, and her fears of meeting a new person doesn't have to be met.

It's not a good thing, cause it's easy to go back dating them if you haven't moved on, and LIKE THAT the rollercoaster ride begins again.

[TonettaTheGreat]

I said and did some stupid stuff, to hurt her, I doubt she will come back to me. But I hope so, I do love her.

[limetaste]

I said and did some stupid stuff, to hurt her, I doubt she will come back to me. But I hope so, I do love her.

What did you say and do to hurt her? People do stupid stuff even in normal relationships, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it doesn't happen again. Shame, neglect and abusive behaviour is the only thing a BPD can recognize. Treat a BPD like ___ and she will return just to get confirmation. I wouldn't doubt her getting back, but I don't want to give you false hopes.

If you love her, why don't you write to her and tell her that you're sorry. Even if a person has BPD it doesn't mean you can treat them like ___ from time to time just because we're in this rollercoaster. Their actions are never personal against us, they are disturbed - we are not. They can't self-reflect and take responsibility for their actions - we can.

[TonettaTheGreat]

I called her a ahem whore, and said my friends said I could do better.


I regret it, and have done for the months since it happenened, We broke up in September, Because I yelled, and she cheated on me, I took her back, and forgave her, because I love her. She said things changed when we got back together and she doesn't see us getting back together. I won't have false hope, But I love her so much. I'n sending a Christmas card, nothing heavy, Just a Elf movie card.

[limetaste]

I called her a ahem whore, and said my friends said I could do better.


I regret it, and have done for the months since it happenened, We broke up in September, Because I yelled, and she cheated on me, I took her back, and forgave her, because I love her. She said things changed when we got back together and she doesn't see us getting back together. I won't have false hope, But I love her so much. I'n sending a Christmas card, nothing heavy, Just a Elf movie card.

If she cheated on you you have all right to call her that, even if you didn't mean it afterwards. Did she apologize for the cheating, does she show remorse? F*ck that christmas card, who cares about a christmas card? Why don't you just reach out to her and tell her how hurt you felt when she cheated on you and that's why you called her that? Remember, she is disturbed, but you can't hold it against her and take it personal if you want to continue this rollercoaster-bullsh*t. There isn't any logical sense to their actions from a normal persons view. I was lucky that my BPD was very loyal and mostly painted me white, she would never have cheated on me - as far as I know. So all BPD's are different. It's not just about a personality disorder, they can have moral obligations.

You can't take the blame for the fall for just acting like a normal person. Self-respect is a valuable thing, never loose it.

[TonettaTheGreat]

And we had a porn account which I kept sharing pics on, because I thought she was still into it, turned out she wasn't. I'll give up all hope now, shall I? ha.

[TonettaTheGreat]

She did, Yeah. She blamed it on "another personality" and HATED whenever I'd bring it up. I told my best friend about it, and she didn't like that very much. I just wish I could turn back the clock.


I can't.

[limetaste]

She did, Yeah. She blamed it on "another personality" and HATED whenever I'd bring it up. I told my best friend about it, and she didn't like that very much. I just wish I could turn back the clock.


I can't.

Problem is. If someone cheated in a relationship you can do two things. Forgive or not forgive. If you forgive you can't take it up again, you need to move on forward from it. Or else it will always be in the back of your head. It takes time to process cheating, it's not an easy task. If you can't forgive it and move on you should end the relationship. This is easier said than done, I truly understand this.

Turning back the clock won't fix things. If she hasn't gone NC with you try to reach out to her. But as I said, don't let your self-respect get demolished while trying to get back together with her.

[TonettaTheGreat]

Can I PM you? I can explain more, But bascially, she wanted to be friends, I said I can't be, she's blocked me on social media, So she has gone NC. I miss her so much, My life is miserable without her.

[limetaste]

Can I PM you? I can explain more, But bascially, she wanted to be friends, I said I can't be, she's blocked me on social media, So she has gone NC. I miss her so much, My life is miserable without her.

Of course you can, but it will be better if you write here so that others can get involved also. It's good that you flicked her off with the friends-idea. If you're still in love with your partner that friends-thing ain't gonna work. This is good for you, you empowered your self-esteem and you're not being a "cuck". You want all or nothing. Don't lower yourself like many on this forum have done just to keep in contact with your exBPD.

[TonettaTheGreat]

She's been with that guy for a month now. Or almost a month, I feel sick.