Sugar baby is adhd and BPD

[motojojo]

I need help here, my sugar baby drives me crazy. She is so beautiful and I love her just not her behavior. I am no beginner when it comes to being abused I was married to a covert npd for 23 yrs. with 7 children. What is it in me that brings these abusive people in my life. My Grandmother,Mother,Sister,Ex wife and now sugar baby are all NPD or BPD. Has anyone ever meet a normal woman? I just see her once a week and that would be perfect, but she don't respond to a text or phone call half the time and shows up as if all is cool. So far she has never yelled at me or shown rage but I know its there. She has talked marriage and projected about our life together she has 2 kids and wants 1 more. She has told me where we should buy a house and where I should work and even wants to budget our finances together. Hahaha or  I know run like hell, why would I stay. Ok I know you guys are going to laugh at this one looks she is a 10 and age 28 me about a 4 and 55yrs. I know we can't tell each other what to do here, so give it to me softy. Please don't abuse me more         

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi motojojo,

Sorry you are struggling in your relationship. May I ask what makes you sure she has BPD? Which of the traits does she exhibit? Are there other possible explanations for her behavior? What do you think?

In addition to what you may discover about her by reading up here, it seems the place to put your focus is squarely on yourself. Have you ever gone to therapy yourself to explore the questions you pose? Is that an option for you at this time?

wishing you the best, pearlsw.

[Radcliff]

Hello motojojo, welcome to the boards!  I think pearlsw had some great advice.  In addition, if you're feeling like the world is full of women who are difficult to deal with, it could be helpful to study up on how boundaries can help you navigate in difficult relationships.   To learn more about boundaries, you might want to visit this page on setting boundaries, this thread on scripts for setting boundaries, and this thread on boundary setting examples.

Regarding returning your texts and calls, do you two have a clear understanding on this?  If she has two kids, her life may be a little unpredictable, and it may not always be possible to promptly return texts or calls.

Regarding having a baby and sharing finances, it sounds like you're pretty clear on how you feel about this.  Have you been very clear with her?  I know she's a 10, and you might be worried about being honest, but not being honest about this stuff is likely to cause you more trouble in the long run.

WW

[motojojo]

Thanks for your input it has been much helpful. I have been very clear about the texting and calling thing, she says she will do better but she don't. It is some kind of game with her, 5 to 7 days without a text is a little long to me. I know she is busy with 2 kids and all but its not that hard. Do I know she has BPD no just looking for answers, I am to old to do this again. I could go on about her drinking and other issues but I won't . I guess the ? is will she get help or does she want help?

[Radcliff]

motojojo, whether she wants help is something to ask her.  Whether she will get help, only time will tell.  The only thing you can control is your own actions.

WW