At the same time, our oldest child (young teen) is undoubtedly more emotionally mature than my wife. It pains me to say that, but she is literally describing to me that mom seems childish, and reports hurtful or head-twisting things Mom says. It's quite a wake-up call to hear your own child describe the problem you've tried to deny or explain away for ~15 years.
Has anyone else been at this place?
I have been and continue to be at this place. Right down to D16 often telling me mom seems "paranoid" and that she could really use a break from her. D16 is often quick to cover things for her sister and occasionally me to keep the peace in the house. It is sad that D16 recognizes that mom would probably not erupt if D16 says something but if I said it, watch out... . I usually follow up with D16 and remind her that she doesn't need to do that but she shrugs me off and says clearly mom isnt going to change, I'd rather just move the conversation along so we don't have to deal with her... .
Really sad. And yet I'm still clinging on... to what? I have no idea. Probably my fears of facing uBPDw in court... .
Keep us updated.
-Oz