Pleasantly surprised my Christmas emotions are intact

[Huat]

This is yet another Christmas when there will be n/c with our uBPD daughter nor her children who are our only 2 precious grandchildren.   

Gotta admit that over the past few weeks, I have tip-toed away from discussions where friends' faces were lighting up in anticipation of their holiday, family gatherings.  Yesterday, Christmas Eve, I was waiting for my flood-gates to open but somehow, just didn't happen.  Hmmmmm?  Now we are well into Christmas Day.  There have been no phone calls from them... .but once again, the floodgates haven't opened.   My day seems to be okay.  Hmmmm?

I think back to some of the Christmas's past... .especially the one where our daughter had a meltdown on Christmas Eve and we were uninvited to Christmas Day at her house... .because of... .(?)  Yep, lots and lots of tears that Christmas as my husband and I sat and looked at our tree and the presents beneath it... .presents that I made sure had an quick expiry date!

So, I am asking myself why I am so calm... .and what comes to mind is the word "acceptance" - finally!  I have been a slow, slow learner!  We are in our mid/late 70's.  The Christmases we will have allotted to us, today and in the future, will be as joyful as we can make them.

Also, I have had no expectations.   "Oh well!"... .is one of my mantras.  It is true that life is what you make of it... .choices.  I am making a choice.

One thread that has had me nodding my head is "My daughter is really frustrating me." My heart goes out to Heather06.   I liked the responses of Partridge.  Very sage advice!   I have to say that I have never heard of the "Grey Rock Method"... .but once I googled it, made sense.

As my husband and I shared a glass of wine the other night, in a nostalgic moment we agreed that this was not what we envisioned our future to be as we nurtured our children... .then became surrogate parents to our grandchildren... .worked so hard to nurture them through all the drama of custody battles, etc.   With that said, we did get smiles on our faces as we started to remember "good times"... .and there were many.   

In our bedroom there are 2 family portraits displayed... .1 of us with our young children... .1 of us with our young grandchildren.  At one time, when my heart was breaking, I almost tucked them away.  They brought too much sadness to me.  Then one day I looked at them and smiled.  How could I tuck those precious angels away?

I don't mean to make light of anyone in this community whose hearts are breaking.  Dammit!  We are parents who have tried our best and the fruits of our labour should not be this.  What I am trying to convey is that we can make changes to make life better... .for us.   Our job was to teach our young... .and we can still teach them... .role-model.

Merry Christmas to all... .and to all a healing 2018!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Merry Christmas to you Huat.

As always I learn so much from your posts. I hope I have your resilience and good humour in my future. They’re definitely something to aspire to.

I’ve had a good day, DS sent a text to apologise but it wasn’t needed but I’m grateful for it. Like you, we found ourselves happy and content but a little sad too. That’s life!

Hugs

LP

[crabbydad]

Merry Christmas! I am reading through this as my 25yo daughter has been melting down all afternoon. She held it together this morning. But, she has been getting more and more depressed as the day has progressed. I thank everyone who shares on this board. It lets me know that I am not alone in this. Holidays are so tough.

[wendydarling]

Merry Christmas to you Huat and to your husband. I'm rising from my flu Christmas bed, been surfing to and fro the sofa these last few days. Feeling a bit better today!  

I'm with you, acceptance helps us all move forwards to pass responsibity on to where it belongs.

You know what Huat, I do believe things come round, they will in time reflect on the good times like we do and gain some comfort and belonging.  

Best to you, here is a big Christmas hug from me  

WDx  

[Rockieplace]

Oh Huat,

Your post filled me with admiration.  I am so glad to hear that you have managed to have a reasonable Christmas despite the circumstances.   We too feel like you and have reached a point where we can achieve peace and acceptance but it has been so hard and can still occasionally 'bite us on the bum' if you'll pardon the expression when chancing upon old photographs etc. 

My husband's favourite saying at the moment is "It is what it is" and that just about sums it up doesn't it?

We are also grateful that where my BPDD is involved there are no grandchildren involved.  That adds a huge extra layer of suffering onto you I'm sure. 

Season's Greetings and lots of hugs from me too to you.

[Yepanotherone]

Big huge hugs to you Huat 

[mggt]

Dear Haut,  My heart goes out to you.  I know how tough it is with our children to miss them and not mourn for them .  Im glad you had a good day and more power to you , your and inspiration to me and Im sure a lot of others on this board