The postman xm

[Idsrvt2]

I used to post here daily a few months back, but have had some health issues and just took a break from everything.
I guess I just need to vent and I'm wondering if my x is BPD if I'm now painted white?

In August I told my x (after he delivered a package and left it hanging out of the box for anyone to steal) that due to my health I would be putting a box inside my porch.
He just muttered , and practically ran away. 
I put the new box up and he continued to deliver it to the old box.
No bigggie.

As usual my eBay business picked up and I was scheduling pickups on the porch... .he would quickly grab the package and run off... .most of my deliveries were made before he delivered... .probably by someinelse ... .

The Saturday before Xmas... .the anniversary of where he yelled at me in my driveway to stay away from him, only to take it all back a few days later.
I go outside and there is a letter hanging outside of my inside box... .

I thought wow someone was so kind to do that so I knew I had mail.

Today as my office faces the window I saw my x place the mail in my box and once again leave it sticking out.

Lately I've been having a rough time missing my x... .I know it's mostly this time of the year, the weather, everything reminds me of this time last year. 

I hate we couldn't have ended in peace and hate he took out the false RO

And now it appears I'm no longer feared and he's being nice?   He walks right up the front sidewalk... . 
I'm lost , I'm confused and it's so beyond cold outside , so my usual methods to distract myself aren't there.   
I've also been looking up covert narcassist and he seems to fit that as well. 

Maybe it's because he knows I won't be outside so now I'm not feared?   I mean I'm thankful he is being nice ... .  but it's tough when I'm struggling with my health and just wish he could have been normal.

I doubt us talking would ever happen , but it's so unnatural to not be able to talk to someone I see almost daily.