FOG

[baylady]

There is FOG coming at me from every angle right now.  I am so stressed my hands are literally shaking.  First, my parents used FOG to get me to reconcile with my uBPD sister.  They are old and would think that we could all be grown adults and get along for their sakes before they die.     Now I am getting emails and messages from my uBPD sister and her husband (the 4the one) telling me what a horrible person I am for being mean to my parents.  They are old you know.  My uBPD sis has used and abused my parents most of her life, and I have always gotten the fall out.  They have walked on eggshells and still do with her.  We all did.  Now my other sister and I won’t do it anymore, so we are horrible people.  It is so exhausting and I broke my cardinal rule today and responded to a couple of messages, which always just escalates things.  Mad at myself for that.

I just needed to vent somewhere! 
   

[Kwamina]

Hi baylady

I am sorry you are feeling so stressed and anxious, that isn't pleasant at all. Have you in the past perhaps felt this way before and if you have, were you able to find ways to calm yourself back then? Have you perhaps ever practiced mindfulness/meditation?

It is so exhausting and I broke my cardinal rule today and responded to a couple of messages, which always just escalates things.  Mad at myself for that.

We all make mistakes, that's often how we learn When faced with these types of hostile communications, not responding often indeed seems the wisest thing to do. Sometimes what can also help is to just not read the messages you receive from certain people at all.

[baylady]

Yes, that is what I usually do.  With my parents joining in, I’ve been so upset.  I read the messages and then was just soo mad. My other sister got them too but did not read.  The messages were so insulting, with the one from the husband being full of profanity and name calling. 

[GeekyGirl]

Hi baylady,

I understand how frustrating when you feel like your family is sending FOG your way. It's hard to duck it sometimes, so don't beat yourself up for reacting to it. Being on the receiving end of angry and hurtful e-mails and calls can really try anyone's patience.

That said, now you know that your parents and uBPD sister are pushing their thoughts onto you, how can you best prepare for their next messages and e-mails? Sometimes anticipating the message and preparing a thoughtful response when I'm level-headed and cool helps me to feel more like I'm an active participant in the discussion, rather than just a sounding board or punching bag.

Hang in there. Is there something kind you can do for yourself today to help you get the frustration out?