Advice please?

[ortac77]

Hi

I have just had a text from my sister asking me to have a word with my pwBPD reference asking me to speak to him about some texts he has sent to my family that are 'out of order'. TBH I was not aware that he had sent any texts but he has been very difficult and emotionally dysregulated over the holiday season so perhaps this is no surprise.

For the moment I have said I will phone my sister later and find out the nature of the texts. I am not sure where to go from there however? On the one hand I am of course highly protective of my family, on the other I don't want to precipitate further problems?

any thoughts on this appreciated

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[pearlsw]

Hi ortac77,

Do you have any idea what the nature of the texts could be? Does your partner have a history of texting your family? Would your family want to consider simply blocking him on their phones or is that not a possibility? I'm not advising that, just inquiring.

take care, pearlsw.

[ortac77]

Hi Pearlsw

I don't know the nature of the texts, although I assume they are perhaps unpleasant? I have an hospital appointment but after that will phone my sister to find out.

My guess is that they relate to my nephew's wife, my partner had a big falling out with her some years ago (they were both drunk at the time) - given that over the holidays he seems to have been in 'the past' and very emotionally dysregulated this might have been the issue. When dysregulated he has sent unpleasant texts - usually to me or friends but not to my family that I am aware of.

I suppose I feel like I am trying to appease a situation and feel somewhat caught in the middle, they are all adults after all and ultimately whilst this is of course upsetting it is not my place to resolve the issue - fools rush in - I am trying to tread gently

[pearlsw]

Hi ortac77,

Oh, I see, thanks for the extra information!

For now, perhaps another angle on this is how do you feel about it all? Do you want to be involved in this dispute, could that help the situation? Or is this going to make big problems for you? I understand you probably can't answer these questions until you have that conversation with your sister. I am assuming your nephew is her son?

Keep in mind that in all of this, you have a right to take care of you and don't have to do things that you don't feel comfortable with. I hope you don't get such bad news in the phone call!

take care, pearlsw.

[ortac77]

Hi Pearlsw

Having spoken to my Sister it is as I surmised, so I have handled it quite simply by saying I understand her annoyance at my partners texts and how they must have been upsetting for her son & his wife. I have suggested that as they are adults and are aware of my partners condition that they should perhaps view them in that light, ignore them, delete them and if they wish block them in future.


As for my partner I am choosing to let the matter drop - I am not sure much would be served by making an issue out of it - I think your advice about looking after me and not doing something that makes me uncomfortable is sound

Thank You x

[pearlsw]

Thanks for the update! Sounds like you handled it well!