My late husband had BP traits

[Peanutmom]

Recently my niece and I after much discussion and sharing our lives have determined that her mother,my late husband,and their older sister all shared traits of a personality disorder. My niece is a non practicing clinical psychologist and she did much research and found BPD. When she sent me the list of the symptoms, I could check off most of them. The worst part of living with my husband was his rage over seemingly innocent things. I always blamed myself for saying the wrong thing. He also threatened suicide many times to my son and to me. He died of a sudden heart attack three years ago after never taking care of himself. Sometimes I wonder if this was his way of slowly killing himself.  I do have a question-my husband did not exhibit severe BP behavior on a daily or weekly basis although there were subtle hints. Is that common or do most people with BP make it difficult to live with them on a daily basis?  Also I am worried about my sons living through the rage but I feel I have written enough for now.

[Turkish]

A clinical Dx is a summary of behaviors. Many people could be sub-clinical. My HMO will not officially Dx BPD, so there is another aspect.  They are the first or second largest health provider in California. 

As you describe,  he may have been what is called "high functioning." Behaviors are most likely exhibited behind closed doors to those closest to him.  My ex is like this.  My mom is obvious. 

I think you are describing the behind closed doors behaviors,  yes?