He told me to stop contacting him but keeps engaging.

[RollerMom75]

I’m having a very hard time since my fiancée pwBPD left over 2 weeks ago. I am holding it together to go to work and do what I need to do, but I cry and cry whenever I’m alone. It doesn’t help that I am pregnant (we were trying). He left in a very very dramatic way and stole a bunch of stuff. At first I was confused as to why he left like that but now I know he was clearly disregulated and had totally split me for whatever reason. He told me in a text to stop contacting him so I have. The kind of funny thing was is that he kept engaging me in texts and emails the day after he left yet he told me to stop contacting him. He kept writing that he is never coming back. At this point I do see that everything had been stressing him out to the point where he felt he had no choice but to leave. Our kids were aggravating him, messes around the house, he had been in an intensive Php program for DBT and although he was grasping those concepts he said he was “therapied” out. I’ve been thinking a lot about my role in all of this. I don’t think I’m codependent, but ever since he hit crisis stage 4 months ago I have been on edge and more focused on his emotions, and walking on eggshells, and trying to maintain and demand peace in our house. So yes, I had stopped caring for myself and got too caught up in what he wasn’t able to give me. I am not angry. I love him and I am so sad about our family breaking up. At this point I do want him back and realize my expectations need to change. I want to reach out to him in a gentle way to let him know that his dramatic goodbye wasn’t a deal breaker. I will only reach out to him when I can handle it if the response is negative, or he doesn’t respond at all. This is really the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. It hurts to love someone who is struggling.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[Tattered Heart]

Hi RollerMom75,

I'm sorry that you are hurting right now. I can imagine how hard it would be to have someone just disappear. You said he was in contact for awhile after you broke up. How long has it been since you heard from him? Has he ever disappeared before?

What are you doing for self care while he is gone?