Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 31, 2024, 09:19:49 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: He told me to stop contacting him but keeps engaging.  (Read 380 times)
RollerMom75

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 16


« on: January 19, 2018, 02:21:41 AM »

I’m having a very hard time since my fiancée pwBPD left over 2 weeks ago. I am holding it together to go to work and do what I need to do, but I cry and cry whenever I’m alone. It doesn’t help that I am pregnant (we were trying). He left in a very very dramatic way and stole a bunch of stuff. At first I was confused as to why he left like that but now I know he was clearly disregulated and had totally split me for whatever reason. He told me in a text to stop contacting him so I have. The kind of funny thing was is that he kept engaging me in texts and emails the day after he left yet he told me to stop contacting him. He kept writing that he is never coming back. At this point I do see that everything had been stressing him out to the point where he felt he had no choice but to leave. Our kids were aggravating him, messes around the house, he had been in an intensive Php program for DBT and although he was grasping those concepts he said he was “therapied” out. I’ve been thinking a lot about my role in all of this. I don’t think I’m codependent, but ever since he hit crisis stage 4 months ago I have been on edge and more focused on his emotions, and walking on eggshells, and trying to maintain and demand peace in our house. So yes, I had stopped caring for myself and got too caught up in what he wasn’t able to give me. I am not angry. I love him and I am so sad about our family breaking up. At this point I do want him back and realize my expectations need to change. I want to reach out to him in a gentle way to let him know that his dramatic goodbye wasn’t a deal breaker. I will only reach out to him when I can handle it if the response is negative, or he doesn’t respond at all. This is really the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. It hurts to love someone who is struggling.
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Tattered Heart
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1943



« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2018, 08:31:23 AM »

Hi RollerMom75,

I'm sorry that you are hurting right now. I can imagine how hard it would be to have someone just disappear. You said he was in contact for awhile after you broke up. How long has it been since you heard from him? Has he ever disappeared before?

What are you doing for self care while he is gone?
Logged

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!