Help Wanted: How to relate to BPD Male partner

[Lilbird74]

 
Hello All,

I'm new here and have been seeking support and guidance in my fairly new marriage for about 4 years now. About two weeks after we got married, he changed. Gone was the self-confident, energetic, and expressive man who I fell in love with and who was madly in love with me. In his place was a self-loathing, fearful, passive, apathetic, and sometimes raging human who clearly had a lot of unresolved pain and anger. I have been at a loss as to how to make our relationship work since.
I find myself alone in the relationship a lot. It's probably the worst pain. Beyond that, it seems impossible for him to feel satisfied with anything I do. He wants me to be close to him, so he pulls me into him. Of course, this is the same thing that terrifies him, so he pushes me away. I don't know if I'm coming or going and which end is up anymore. All I know is that I don't know how to do this and I'm nervous about having my children grow up around him.
Any and all guidance is very deeply appreciated. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ArleighBurke]

Hi and welcome!

You are on a BPD board - do you suspect that your partner has BPD? How did you come to that thought?

Certainly his behaviours sound strange. Do you currently have kids, or is your statement more about your "plan" to have kids?

[Tattered Heart]

Hi lilbird,

Welcome I'm sorry that you are feeling so confused about your H wants in your relationship. When he pushes you away, is there something that has happened in his life shortly before that?

Reading a little more about push/pull behavior might help you come up with a little more understanding of what is going on when your H pulls away.

What do you think you need the most to help you feel centered regardless of his response to you?