hey, irish!
Sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad you found us.
There's a lot to unpack in your post, so I broke it down:
I know my daughter is at school (University), and since her last blow up I have not heard from her, blocked me from having contact with her
That sucks. It must be hard being cut off. Is she mad at you for a particular reason (no judgment, it could be that you packed two different color socks in the last care package)? In my experience, and this may not be the case for everyone, sometimes BPD'ers cut people off as a power play, sometimes it's "triangulation". that's a big one. Take a look at it. If you're the "bad guy", who would she make "the good guy"?
It is bizarre what sets her off, I can't always see it coming.
No one can. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to see into another person's brain, let alone someone with BPD. This isn't on you.
She is on a new med which seemed to be helping
Yeah, meds are a roulette wheel. Sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes zero/double zero comes up.
It is so alien to me to be in this position
I understand that feeling. Please understand, this is not your fault. Also understand that we can't force our BPD'ers to contact us as often as we would like, nor in the method of how we would like, nor with the message of what we would want. That part is the truly worst for me.
I have not tried to contact her as I have in the past.
Now, that is a strong move, in my completely untrained position. I do that as well, sometimes. Gives the BPD'er time to either calm down and approach on their terms as well as stating to them "I'm not coming to you, as you chose to break contact".
Right now I am just letting it lie
crying a bit
talking to my sister
and I am here
Another strong move. Let your thoughts and emotions out, somewhere. Have you thought of therapy for you? It helps.
Other than that, come here early and often. We're here.
And you are not alone.
-jyw
