My first post-My adult child has been diagnosed with BPD, feeling overwhelmed.

[Blinkyeb]

My adult child has BPD. I’m having trouble dealing with her .   I feel overwhelmed by her and her problems.   I want to run away.  
    I know she is disabled but I can’t deal with her any more. I had a disturbed mother and I was lucky to survive my childhood.   My daughter is getting treatment but it’s hard to be optimistic.
      I don’t want to take care of her forever.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi there Blinkyeb 

I’m glad you found us and found your way to post. I’m really sorry to hear things are tough for you - yes it can be completely overwhelming and exhausting. You’ve come to the right place to help improve your situation.

I found that the more I learnt about BPD and why my son behaved the way he did the more control I got over myself.  It sounds a bit mad when he was the one with the problems!  I used to strongly react to him and his moods. The knowledge I gained made me calmer.  This was my first step to helping us both. I had to step outside of that whirlwind and break the cycle with a change in approach. It takes time to learn a new way of interacting but it can be done.

When I joined this forum my son was 24 and not functioning, no job, no money, no hope. I lived in FOG, making decisions out of fear, guilt or obligation.  Slowly slowly we’re in a very different place now. He moved out nearly 4 months ago and managing to live independently. There’s hope and I’m proof. This forum saved us.

It’s fantastic that your daughter is in treatment. There’s a lot you can do to help yourself and her find a better way together.  How old is your daughter?

Hugs
LP

[Mutt]

Hi Blinkyeb,

 

I’d like to join Lollypop and welcome you to the family. I’d like to suggest self care - what do you for self care? Self care is really important when we’re going through difficult periods. I work out with free weight to get rid of cortisol stress and release endorphins it helps with stress, I feel more relaxed and grounded after a work out.

[livednlearned]

I feel overwhelmed by her and her problems.  

Hi Blinkyeb,

I wanted to join Lollypop and Mutt in welcoming you.  

It really does feel overwhelming to take care of ourselves when we have a BPD loved one, and to have a mother AND daughter with issues is a lot to shoulder on your own. I'm glad you found the site so we can walk with you and maybe lighten the load a tiny bit.

What is one problem that is at the top of the list for you? Maybe we can work with a specific example of something you're dealing with -- chances are there are others here who have worked through the same dynamic and will have some collective wisdom to share.

What is your daughter like and how old is she? Is she living with you? Treatment can be slow going, and it's a positive sign she has agreed to participate. Is it DBT? What led to her diagnosis?

The confounding thing about BPD is that their fear of abandonment is at cross purposes with a need to feel competent. The skills to learn how to support them in what seem like competing needs are not intuitive and must be learned.

This is a really warm and friendly place to start. I'm glad you are reaching out for support.

You're not alone.

LnL