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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: Small but good things to mention  (Read 371 times)
isilme
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2714



« on: January 29, 2018, 09:41:05 AM »

So I was pretty darn ill last week - it went from a respiratory infection to a super-horrible-still-lingering stomach upset.  Let's just say since about Tuesday I was not able to "function" properly, as far as the final stages of digestion, and then late Saturday, I was functioning far too well.  Friday I was in rather horrible pain by night time. 

We had a birthday in town to attend to, though and H and I were both going to do our best to go.  I found something to wear that his pretty well my somewhat distended stomach (ugh I look horrible right now) and we took off.

We hit a super, unexpected rain storm right before we were to get into the main press of town - H hates any inclement weather, especially when on the road, and took to my suggestions we simply pull over sooner than planned and try a restaurant he's been waiting to go to, which was literally right off of where we were. He complained, I did not invalidate or jade, and let him grumble about things like rain, and then I pointed out it was letting up a bit, we needed to get inside the place.

That was the worst of the day.  We had some issues meeting up as our friends had car trouble, but we got to all planned places save one for lunch (they were far too late) and while H was panicking a bit about being late for a movie (he HATES being late for movies - nothing else matters as far as being on time, but a movie he MUST be early).  I again did my best to not invalidate, to not correct his interpretation of time or distance, and simply got us tot he theater well within the time needed (I had already bought tickets online). 

By this time I am feeling rather ill, but figure I can stick it out long enough to give our friend her gift over dinner and ordered the lightest thing I could find on the menu (I literally had no room in my stomach - it's been that angry).  We make it through the majority of dinner, I realise the place is getting ready to close, and that it'd be really good to get on the road for the hour drive home so I can be properly ill at home, and H took my request very well, did not make me feel awkward, or make a scene like he sometimes can.  We got home, he let me alone while I was ill (my request, I can't stand people around), and then was kind all yesterday even though I know me being ill just reinforces his thoughts we are both dying and about 80 years old.  I felt flu-tired from all my insides being upset and not working quite right.  I will see if the most simple diet this week has a positive effect and if not see if I can get in to see my GP.  It is likely a month before I can get in - we do not have many MDs around here, but I feel this is finally something I might need to get looked at.

Anyway, he could very well have made any part of the weekend horrible, but he did not, and that seemed worth sharing. 
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Tattered Heart
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« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2018, 01:48:48 PM »

Yay for the little things. I know that being ill and your H's refusal to accept illness from you for more than a brief time is always a stress for you. I'm glad he allowed you the ability to be sick without making it harder on you.

WHat do you think was different?
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

isilme
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« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2018, 04:13:50 PM »

I'm not so sure.  He is capable of both telling me to take it easy and not overdo things and still calling me lazy all in the same day, so this was strange.  I had to go lie down about 4PM yesterday, and felt tired and winded all day.  I still have my Christmas tree up - I have been too tired to take it down, and doing so makes me a little sad anyway.  I managed to get the ornaments off and properly put away, but I did not get to the lights or get the tree disassembled and bagged up.  I DID do laundry and take care of the pets, but each item I did meant I needed to sit back down for a bit, tired.

He did not want to acknowledge the respiratory illness earlier in the week, and maybe with my constant allergies, it was not as noticeable as complaining about stomach cramps and other assorted pains.  And after his recent bouts with kidney stones, telling him I am in fairly regular abdominal pain for a week might mean something to him?  I think H is worried I am going to die on him.

I have agreed with both him and a friend to call for an appointment to see someone if this does not feel improved by tomorrow - it's just hard to gauge - it feels worst in the evenings after dinner if I've tried to eat - my stomach is hungry at mealtimes, but my intestines feel like they have no room, if that makes sense.
 Food, water (I don't drink soda or much else than water) seem to fill me up rapidly?  Not to be gross, but usually, after an event like Saturday night, which was pretty much the worst experience of that kind for me that I can immediately remember, I usually feel, well, skinny and light and empty the next day - not the case.  I felt still bloated and uncomfortably huge on Sunday, hungry when I got up, but filling up quickly.  I am trying to stay off WebMD and not self-diagnose, made myself walk some today during a work break, and planning to go to the store (for real this time, no ordering in advance) so I can walk some more to see if that helps. 
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RolandOfEld
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« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2018, 02:09:10 AM »

isilme take care of yourself and feel better!
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isilme
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Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2714



« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2018, 11:28:34 AM »

Feeling somewhat better today - I am crossing m fingers this means I don't need to bother with a trip to a doctor.

He picked out dinner last night while at the store with my stomach issues in mind - some submarine sandwiches and deli soups - it did not make everything angry inside me.  He also was able to find a few of the self-care items I wanted to see if I could make my tummy happier, so all in all, while he is not feeling well himself today and is fussy because of it, he was pretty darn good. 
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