Hypersexuality and Manic Phases

[JustNeedToTalk]

Did anyone's ex show hyper sexuality and manic phases.  Acting like they are indestructible? Did they use this as an out?  To get out of the relationship.  Part of the devaluing process?

[bgg2745]

sex was like therapy for my ex, she equated it to love and desperately needed it, love and care itself was not valid to her without it, as for devaluing our relationship with sex, she
finally did things more erotically (extreme) and told me what she did before we met with numerous partners in a way to show me she did not care what I may think anymore. She now picks up men who simply use her and leave   

[JustNeedToTalk]

wow that is so true my exes fantasies got wilder and wilder towards the end.  We used to make love, it was a connection, emotional, he actually used to say that he had never felt the emotional connection with anyone else.  Towards the end he wanted sex toys, threesomes, to watch me have sex with a lady boy.  He actually came home late one night and I had fallen asleep with a friend (too much wine on a girls night) and I woke to him using a sex toy on me with my friend lying next to us.  He just didn't care.

Sorry if this post offends anyone.  It's not intended that way.

[Mikey26]

I simply find it beyond belief that they all show exactly the same patterns. Every single post I read seems to be a flawless description of my ex BPD. It's uncanny. In this case I'm talking about sexuality, toys, how she managed to let me know she'd had an interminable list of previous sex partners, among those well-known guys (saw the pics). However, if I mentioned the tiniest thing about an ex of mine, (nothing connected to sex) even if I was talking about those amazing days when I was 18 (39 now), her BPD would kick in and she'd go ballistic and throw another insufferable tantrum. But as I said in my post: MY fault, since these aforesaid tantrums were nothing but silly tests. If I'd had some proper self-esteem I would've had plenty of fun passing them.
Sorry, I'll be raw here, since BPDs seem to stand out in the sex field, and I reckon the topic is serious enough: she literally drove me crazy. I felt like 17 in the bed. I was capable of achieving anything, or so I felt. Now? What a contrast. I don't feel anything at all. And I'll confess: I had a chance but dodged it because I was perfectly aware that I wouldn't be able to... .you know. I wouldn't be able. One friend of mine told me something simple as well as wise when I told him how mad she drove me under the covers: "indeed she's beyond amazing in the bed, for she has absolutely nothing else to offer."

[JustNeedToTalk]

it's crazy, my ex was addicted to Viagra and when confronted claimed he had ED and our sex was actually awkward at first but it became amazing, then it became seedy, but he had so much control over me I just thought it was wild and allowing me to explore areas of myself I never thought I would.

I sacrificed my belief that sex is a connection between two people for him.  Thank god I never went through with a threesome as I I'd sitting here in a worse state now.

I do belief that the sexual fantasy is part of the devaluing... .he went from making love to me to ultimately fulling his own needs and seeing how far he could push me.  And believe me I am not a prude.

[truthbeknown]

my ex did this the last week we were together.  I think that she slept with or gave sexual favors to an old boyfriend that week that i was in town but i'll never know for sure.  She just didn't make good eye contact with me and did tell me that he was over her house (long story).   Then at the end of the week she came over to my hotel room where i was staying and got sexual with me right away.  The next morning I had to go to work so couldn't spend any time bonding anyway but there was very little cuddling after that night.  The next night she was kissing other guys who were complete strangers on the cheek and asking me if i was jealous?   I knew she was playing games but like someone else said, she had such seductive power over me it's like i didn't care.  She came back to my hotel room and had sex with me and somewhere during intercourse she asked if i was a sex addict.  Those words still haunt me.  I thought i was making love to the woman that i loved and she asked me if i was a sex or love addict.  Oh and before she seduced me that night she told me her new friends were swingers and asked if i would ever do that.  I said NO i only wanted her and nobody else.  She said, "yeah me neither i just want to date a bunch of guys."    She went to the bathroom and came out naked and the rest is history.  I beat myself up for not having good boundaries and going through with the sex with her.  I actually feel very dirty for it now because she brought me to a place where I let her use me for sex and I allowed her to.  I still don't even recognize how i got caught up in that.  It feels like i have taken on her projected shame.   And this is the first time i have talked about it in this way so i appreciate the thread.   

Now her flying monkey friend told me that she is with a new guy (2 months after we broke up).   I can't stop thinking about her having sex with other guys ( the old boyfriend that week and then the new guy).

I remember in the movie Pretty Woman where even though Julia Roberts was a paid hooker she said that she had never felt more dirty then when Richard Gere treated her like one after she thought he loved her.  She left the money on the bed and left.   I feel like because of her hypersexuality and moving on so quickly that i was devalued to some kind of sex toy or sex slave for her and now she has moved onto her next victim. 

Has anyone felt the same way?  I have tried to get rid of these images of her with the new guy but its hard because when you know a former partner just has sex because they can't relate in any other way of course you know they are going to do that to the new person. 

One of my friends had this happen and she feels that the person was more NPD then BPD and so she says it's a form of abuse.  Does anyone else look at this as a form of abuse because of how it makes you feel abandoned by them?    She says i should get in touch with my anger over it and that because i won't say how angry i am about it - it allows me to stay in a cycle of abuse?   I'm confused by this.  It does feel like i was used and therefore feels like i have been abused in some way because i can't let go of her doing the same thing to him that she did to me (because it didn't mean anything to her).   

I spoke to a woman in one of the relationship forums that i'm in and she used to do this to men and then she finally had it happen to her.  She met a man who was BPD or NPD and he was a porn addict.  It seems like he devalued her and she finally fell in love with someone and he wanted porn more then her.  When i spoke with her as part of my healing journey, she said that with the other men she never connected or understood what love was because she had been sexually abused as a child.  So she could be very permiscuous and not feel bad about it.  However, she said, she always would think about the ex's and that she never really moved on from them emotionally until she got hurt by this guy and she went through alot of therapy and healing for her sexual abuse and she had dreams that the men she slept with forgave her.

I have gone right to forgiveness because i think of my ex as a lost child but it is so hard for me personally.  Eventually i want to try some hypnosis for this but I was afraid to be hypnotized to not care about her because I loved her so much.  But on the other hand, it's painful to love someone that is in someone elses arms now and also know that you probably didn't mean that much to them and that it was just a way of them expressing their trauma or personality disorder.

I worry that sex will never be the same like i'm the one who has suffered sexual abuse now.  So sad that i have taken on that projection of someone else.   

I think my friend who wants me to be angry sees it easier to think of them maliciously doing it (NPD) so that she can get angry enough to not have any feeling for them.  I don't want to do this - does that mean i'm screwed up?  should i be angry?  I'm afraid to be like her and demonize her.  How would i be different if i hated her or got angry at her for being ill?

I'm sorry if i asked too many questions here.  This topic really triggered me to feel my pain over this.