Can no longer do this without help

[Tinrop]

Hi, I am in a relationship with someone that I believe has BPD.  His mood swings are constant, there is no logic to what might trigger a "storm" and I feel like there is nothing left to do except accept that I am the cause of it all.  My logical and educated mind tells me to get out, but when things are good, I can always see the man that I love.  When things are bad though, I wonder What the heck am I doing in this relationship, I would be happier alone.  It's not a fear of doing it alone, been there done that, but I want to believe that there is an option.  That things can get better... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jessica84]

Tinrop, I am so sorry you are in this situation. You are in the right place for support and help! It is so hard to know the person we love is still there, somewhere, deep inside this crusty shell of BPD.

There is hope. You can learn to communicate better and calm some of the "storms". Understand that not all can be calmed. Ultimately, that is their job. Ours is to work on our end, change what we can (ourselves), and know that we can't "fix" them.

Have you read any of the Lessons on the main screen of this board? Very helpful material.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Tinrop,

I"m sorry that you are going through such ups and downs in your relationship. BPD is an illogical disorder. If you try to guess when the storms will hit, it will only lead to crazymaking and walking on egg shells. What would you say is the one thing that you want to work on the improving the most in your relationship?

[Tinrop]

Hi Tattered Heart,
   I guess the most disturbing issue is that we can go from calm to a litany of verbal abuse in seconds, even when I try and discuss with him that I feel like I am in a relationship with him and an unknown entity, I end up being the one at fault. I can't answer the question directly enough, I am selfish, I am hardheaded etc... .I am tired of hearing the words "I can't do this with you anymore, I was fine when I was alone etc" 
   I am the last person that provokes a confrontation, I would rather let the dust settle and then discuss, but sadly anything I say brings on a storm... .On many occasions things have gotten out of hand.  If I speak up I am making it worse, if I stay silent it makes it worse, If I speak, then I am interrupting him... .there is nothing rational about it. 
Our biggest issue is that I have was sexually abused as a child and still have issues with this, he wants intimacy in our relationship (which I also want) but how do I feel close to someone when I second guess every thought I have, every facial expression, every answer to make sure it is the right one?  I am now reading Stop walking on eggshells, and other than finding this forum, I haven't gotten far enough to find any tools... .the only thing I know is that there is very likely a man that I love that suffers from BPD
  thank you for reaching out to me, I have no one I can confide in without feeling like I am betraying him.