Thanks for the confirmation that it helped you. The book so applies to me and in changing me. I am struggling with the exercises in which one begins to take care of themselves. This is a huge source of turmoil because everything must be about and for my uBPDw ir it is selfish and unloving to be delt with by ranting for hours or worse.
My friend, it's going to hurt... .but you need to start.
First, remind yourself every day that you have your own qualities and g-d given talents, regardless of what your spouse - or anyone for that matter! - speaks of you. Tell it to yourself often. I am worth it. I am strong. I am.
Then, get used to not take to heart everything she is saying. At first, when you need a break from her rages, go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and smile. Tell yourself "what she said is so silly" or "I feel bad for her since she doesn't have healthy emotions" or whatever you need to make the impact of her words go away. It won't be simple, but the more you do it the more you will feel how her words will have less impact on you.
Then learn validation. I still don't know it well at all but sometimes do okay with it. Learn to understand when she says something most likely she means something else. When she says I hate you she means she hates herself. When she said you are stupid, she cries I am afraid you will leave me because I am worthless.
Practice, practice and practice. Your life will change so much... .you will be a stronger person.
Good luck! We are here for each other.
