Humour as a coping mechanism

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My husband and I were in support group where one of the principles was, to use humour as a coping mechanism when dealing with BPD.

So, I thought I would like to see how you use humour in your situations.

I will start out. I already mentioned in several other threads that over the last 2.5 months my stepsons communication with their father (my husband) has deteriorated to where all skype calls and phone calls last 30 seconds to a minute where they yell at him: I am not coming to visit this summer and you can't force me.
And then they hang up. There were also incidents were they accused him of being a sinner and an adulterer and said that they are not sure wether they still want him as a father. Or they said that he did not treat them properly during last summers visit and that they don't want to see him again until he treats them properly.

On sunday we had a change of pace and out of the blue the phone call lasted 20 min. In those 20 min they told us that maybe we can come to their home town this summer and visit them there and suggested some activities. They even exchanged a few pleasantries.
My husband and I were floored and utterly confused after that phone call. What happened to change their minds and how come their BPDmom all of a sudden did not cut off the phone call but let them be on the phone for 20min?

Then last nights phone call went back to the same old pattern and I thought to myself with a "little sigh of relief": The world is back in order. I would have not known how to co parent if from now on we had to deal we a sane and reasonable person

[soundofmusicgirl]

My husband and I were in support group where one of the principles was, to use humour as a coping mechanism when dealing with BPD.

So, I thought I would like to see how you use humour in your situations.

I will start out. I already mentioned in several other threads that over the last 2.5 months my stepsons communication with their father (my husband) has deteriorated to where all skype calls and phone calls last 30 seconds to a minute where they yell at him: I am not coming to visit this summer and you can't force me.
And then they hang up. There were also incidents were they accused him of being a sinner and an adulterer and said that they are not sure wether they still want him as a father. Or they said that he did not treat them properly during last summers visit and that they don't want to see him again until he treats them properly.

On sunday we had a change of pace and out of the blue the phone call lasted 20 min. In those 20 min they told us that maybe we can come to their home town this summer and visit them there and suggested some activities. They even exchanged a few pleasantries.
My husband and I were floored and utterly confused after that phone call. What happened to change their minds and how come their BPDmom all of a sudden did not cut off the phone call but let them be on the phone for 20min?

Then last nights phone call went back to the same old pattern and I thought to myself with a "little sigh of relief": The world is back in order. I would have not known how to co parent if from now on we had to deal we a sane and reasonable person

[BeagleGirl]

I don't know how I would be surviving without a sense of humor, so I think this is an awesome topic.

I discovered a whole new area of humor in my situation last night.  One of my two closest friends admitted that she has been cyber stalking my dBPDstbxh.  She has become my surrogate "vindictive ex".  All those things that I can't even imagine doing... .she's coming up with them for me.  We had a great laugh over what she would be doing in my place.  It's like having an evil twin.   

[Panda39]

My SO and I have had many a good laugh regarding his uBPDxw's BPD reactions to things.

I met my SO on-line while he was separated, we met for our first date had a great time.  Our date was supposed to be a lunch date that actually turned out to be an 11 hour date because we really hit it off.

After lunch we were walking to some shops to look around and on the way some young ladies stopped us and hit us up for a donation for Planned Parenthood.  So in an effort to impress me he made a donation.  We just carried on with our date and had a lovely day.

This gift to Planned Parenthood became the gift that kept on giving. 

Because the divorce was in process my SO had to provide his bank statements to her and the Planned Parenthood donation showed up on one of these statements.

His ex saw this called him and demanded to know if she and I needed to be tested for an STD... .Yes she saw this charge and went there!  Wow, we just cracked up!  I guess I should be flattered about her concern for my health  And at the time we really did need something to laugh about... .that was during the Parental Alienation campaign.

You really can't do this without a sense of humor... .I don't believe our relationships could survive without it.

Panda39

[ForeverDad]

Before our marriage totally imploded, my then-spouse was more and more frequently getting mad at me, rants and rages had once been a few times a month, near the end it was a few times a week.  Intimacy of course became rare and what there was was on her terms and even those times it usually was her sabotaging things during the day so I was turned off when night came.  So I asked her to punish me, I said "Next time you're mad at me, punish me by making me give you a back rub."  She snubbed my offer, "I know what you want."  And that was the end of that.  I can't see what was wrong with my solution, she would get to punish me and I would be glad to be punished.

Oh, you weren't asking for humor like that?  Oops.

[Nope]

These days my DH has primary physical custody and the kid's uBPDm lives several states away. The court order says that communication should be through email and that she is to speak directly with the school and the providers, which keeps interaction to a minimum. She never emails first. However on the rare occasion DH does need to email her about something it always leads to a massive multi-page raging rant.

So now when we hit "send" we literally cover our ears like we just lobbed a grenade and are waiting for the explosion.

[Panda39]

These days my DH has primary physical custody and the kid's uBPDm lives several states away. The court order says that communication should be through email and that she is to speak directly with the school and the providers, which keeps interaction to a minimum. She never emails first. However on the rare occasion DH does need to email her about something it always leads to a massive multi-page raging rant.

So now when we hit "send" we literally cover our ears like we just lobbed a grenade and are waiting for the explosion.

Nope, that is hilarious! 

[Julian]

"Borderlines are like everyone else, even more so" 

[BasementDweller]

Humor is the only way I have survived this long with my dBPDbf. We are having some success with EFT and learning conflict resolution skills, where in the past our relationship was entirely tumultous, and extremely UN-funny. (Though I sometimes chuckled internally at some of his more bizarre tantrums.) Now that we are both getting better at avoiding conflict escalation, a funny moment happened just yesterday, when we were able to use humor together in a weird but hilarious way.

While making dinner last night, and being tired, hungry, and stressed from a long commute home, I tried to open a large bottle of mineral water, and it literally exploded all over me. Violently. Volcanically, really. I was soaked and the entire kitchen was soaked. I let out a slew of expletives, and slammed the bottle down on the counter. My BPD partner walked up, placed his hand on my shoulder, and in a very "therapeutic tone" said "I can see that you are frustrated right now. What happened to make you feel this way?" He was purple in the face from trying not to laugh. Me, standing there looking like a drowned rat, and being utterly miffed, completely lost my anger and also ended up laughing hysterically, because really... .it wasn't that big a deal, and I was the one having a meltdown over nothing.

He totally used "The Tools" to assuage the situation. The irony alone kept us laughing for a good long while.