New week - New Self Care Thread

[lighthouse9]

Hi Good People,

Let's talk self care - what are you doing for YOU this week?

I'm going to add a prompt - what do you use for distractions, when the worrying and rumination are just too much?

For me, self-care this week means:

1. Being very gentle with myself. We've finalized divorce plans and my STBX leaves for 6 weeks in a few days, and I will likely never see her again. So, my emotions are a little bit raw to say the least. I'm being gentle with myself, by not spending too much time ruminating, blaming myself, worrying, giving into fear, etc. There's a piece of me that would still love to see things turn around, but I'm taking steps forward with my life without her and being gentle with myself in the process - someone has to!

2. On the same note, I've been seeing a DBT therapist and she's been adamant that I turn to distraction when I'm at an 8, 9, or 10/10 of pain, displeasure, fear, etc - aka any intense emotion that I don't like. Distraction has meant listening to audio books almost 24/7 to keep my mind on something else (re-listening to the hunger games, will probably go to harry potter next). It's also meant lots of my favorite tv shows, regular exercise, and cooking more than the frozen pizza that takes no thought process.

3. Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries: I've gotten better recently at setting up some boundaries and asking for what I need, from both my STBX and from friends and family. I recently put a hard boundary on a family member, which felt bad because I know it hurt him, but also felt good to say "this is the line, don't cross it." I even used the words "Hard No" with full confidence. Setting boundaries is absolutely a form of self-care, and can help us be better to others. I love this Brene Brown talk about boundaries and empathy here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSbOIas6jFc

4. Mentioned above, but more physical activity. I've been getting in more workouts during lunch (short 20 minute workouts) and I am trying to get out on walks in the evening.

5. Making decisions that benefit me. I'll be vague here, but I'm making decisions that will ultimately benefit me, even if they might mean added expenses, energy, or time. I'm glad to spend resources of any kind when they can make life easier, and I'm getting back into a "wisemind" where I can see these shortcuts to my own benefit and take them. I've been paralyzed for so long - it's been nice to see how little steps in MY direction can mean a lot.

6. Praying 1-2 times a day. I have an app I use at lunch time that guides me through various Examen prayers (Jesuit/Catholic prayer that helps you take inventory on your day) and I've been using that more regularly. I've also been praying through a self-guided retreat at night (though not every night) and journaling after prayer. I started this right before the break up and it's been interesting to look back and see my prayers and thought processes over the last few months.

7. Eating way more vegetables! I noted last week that I was moving on from frozen pizza to trying to eat more vegetables. This week's grocery haul included lots of pre-made salads. I'm still a little too lazy to make the salads myself just yet, but hey, pre-made or not they are still vegetables!

8. Spending time on here when I need it or when I feel like I can offer support, but walking away and trying not to ruminate when I don't. My life has become one giant BPD learning experience lately and I've spent way too much time thinking about BPD and not enough time thinking of me, so I'm making sure I'm here for good reason when I am.

How about you all? Let's hear about your self-care and distractions.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CryWolf]

going to the gym, focusing on my clothing business i want to launch, and eating ice cream and disregarding my lactose intolerance.

[isilme]

lighthouse - if you like fantasy, you may like "The Black Company".  It's pretty gritty, but I really like the character who is also a narrator, and there are like a bazillion (9) books that get engrossing   It's basically a group of mercenaries find out they're working for the bad guy and how the deal with it, to start.

1.  Trying to get some sleep. 

2.  H agreed to let me make a Goodwill run, he even cleaned out some of his clothes, so I cleared out one car-trunk full of stuff.  Clearing clutter makes me feel better.

3.  Updated some of our household items - our duvet cover was pretty ratty after 6 cats clawing at it for about 9 years, our microwave was unpredictable and liked to spark, my steam mop finally broke and I found a decent replacement, and I am finally after 20 years getting matchy-matchy things in my kitchen which overall makes me feel "fancy" and nice. 

4.  Managed to get some cleaning done.  Not a lot, but I mopped, and took time to scrub things like the shower curtain that get ignored in day-to-day cleaning.  H even helped a little bit.

5.  Feeling a bit better as far as my linger winter-long cold, still getting winded just walking too far/upstairs   My lungs need some working out, but I guess from being on pneumonia's door just a few weeks back, this is okay.  Hoping to take a walk tonight after work since the weather is not terrible today.

6.  Keeping up with a commission job painting some models.  We are not procrastinating, and we are managing to work together on it.  They are not "fun" models, but we're going to get paid for spending our time after work doing it, so that's fine by me.  It makes me feel less guilty to be almost down, rather than rushing and doing a bad job, or possibly needing an extension.

[lighthouse9]

CryWolf - these all sound great! Really cool that you have a clothing business. I find that any source of creativity or production is really helpful for me. It feels like ownership and reminds me of what I can do.

Isilme - Thanks for the recommendation! I love sci fi and fantasy, I will definitely look into this series. I love how you've identified your home as your domain and are bring some inspiration into it. I'm the same way - and I also love to clean things out. Glad you're starting to feel better but still taking it easy.

[Tattered Heart]

Love that you are continually pushing us to focus on self care lighthouse9

THis week I'm feeling pretty good.

Things I've been doing:

1. I am exercising 5 times per week now. Monday I hit the highest # of steps in a day ever. I've started not only just getting in 250 steps every hour but also I'm using my breaks to take 10 minute walks on top of my regular 30 min workout. A little frustrated that I'm not losing weight, but I am losing inches so that's a plus.

2. The weather has been amazing so I've been spending time outside. Earlier this week, I just spent about 30 minutes just watching our chickens. I get so much peace and enjoyment from them. They make these relaxing noises, little chirps and clucks. They are very funny and chase each other or try to one up each other constantly.

3. I learned how to knit and crochet about a week ago so this week I started a bigger project--an afghan. My H also learned how to knit and so it's a relaxing activity we can do together.

4. I set up time to go hang out with a girlfriend. Haven't spent time with friends in almost a month. I've also been making a better effort to be more connected to my friends via text.

5. I've been researching a pretty big life decision as for deciding whether to continue my education with a Masters Degree. I found a program I like to get a Masters as a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor. It's about 1/2 the cost of a secular masters degree. There are some limitations on what I can do with this degree, but I could open private counseling, a 501c3 ministry, or work through my church doing counseling. It's because of this site that I decided I want to finalize a counseling degree. I've wanted to be a counselor since high school, but after taking 8 years to get my BS I was just tired of school. I'm glad I waited because I know that I want to focus my future practice on co-dependency, abuse, and families with members who have mental illness.

I talked to my H about my desires to continue my education last night. I was nervous about it, but he said ok, but wait until things slow down. In other words, he is feeling overwhelmed and busy right now so he didn't have a clear mind to think about it. He said maybe next year, but after the beginning of the farm season starts I'll probably be able to talk him into mid-to end of summer to start.

Distractions:
I use facebook as my main distraction. I can tell I"m needing a break from reality when I find myself constantly scrolling through my feed but not really engaging in anything. And worse, when I'm a little more argumentative on FB.

[isilme]

3. I learned how to knit and crochet about a week ago so this week I started a bigger project--an afghan. My H also learned how to knit and so it's a relaxing activity we can do together.

Wow friend me on Pinterest I will send you ALL the crochet patterns!  I have never picked up knitting, but I make toys, scarves, and other things as they look fun or I am asked.  I inherited H's grandmother's yarn after she passed - lots of yarn - she was happy at least one person in the family would be able to finish some of the projects she had to abandon as her eyesight failed, and so I rummage in her bins when we go visit H's parents and see if I can figure out what she was making and try to not botch it too badly to finish it. 

GJ on the exercise.  I wanted to walk 3 nights this week, but will be happy we made it for at least one. 

H is also coming out a bit from his self-imposed hermit-tude I think, that I have also reinforced/enabled/gone along with.  We are planning a trip into town and he's actually inviting a friend (overall I think this guy is nice and a decent influence - his wife can be high drama but she's working, so yay.)

[Tattered Heart]

Wow friend me on Pinterest I will send you ALL the crochet patterns!  I have never picked up knitting, but I make toys, scarves, and other things as they look fun or I am asked.  I inherited H's grandmother's yarn after she passed - lots of yarn - she was happy at least one person in the family would be able to finish some of the projects she had to abandon as her eyesight failed, and so I rummage in her bins when we go visit H's parents and see if I can figure out what she was making and try to not botch it too badly to finish it. 

How fun. I'm learning how to follow patterns and at times it can be hard to understand but thank goodness for you tube. Hopefully one day I can learn lots of pretty designs. Had a friend who had a knitting etsy store and she got so many custom orders that she  couldn't keep up. If I can get good enough at it then my plan to sell things at my booth at the farmers market and at a local craft fair. Right now I make wool balls to replace dryer sheets and they sold like crazy last year.

[lighthouse9]

This is so cool!

Teaching yourself new things is such an awesome way to practice self-care and there are SO many resources out there (like YouTube) that you can access for free or low cost, with no penalty for "dropping out."

I like to enroll in classes on Coursera, even if I don't finish them.

[Tattered Heart]

I'm a nerd and LOVE to learn stuff constantly. I listen to lots of podcasts, enjoy watching documentaries, and have also gone through some classes on youtube. Such an awesome world from when I was a kid and all we had were encyclopedias and libraries