New here—I’m being ignored for something that happened 24 years ago

[Parents! Get help here!]

My adult daughter has BPD and bipolar. I’m so tired of being on this roller coaster but she is my daughter and I will never give up on her. I’m constantly being blame for every thing that has gone wrong in her life and I get verbal abuse or nasty text messages.At the moment I’m being ignored for something that happened 24 years ago. Even though I have listened validited her pain said sorry a hundred times.At times I feel like putting on coat and walking out the door and not coming back but I have family that don’t deserve the pain it will cause.Im now having panic attacks and trying my best to hold it together. I just need some support from others in this position too.

[Rosie1q]

My adult daughter has BPD and bipolar. I’m so tired of being on this roller coaster but she is my daughter and I will never give up on her. I’m constantly being blame for every thing that has gone wrong in her life and I get verbal abuse or nasty text messages.At the moment I’m being ignored for something that happened 24 years ago. Even though I have listened validited her pain said sorry a hundred times.At times I feel like putting on coat and walking out the door and not coming back but I have family that don’t deserve the pain it will cause.Im now having panic attacks and trying my best to hold it together. I just need some support from others in this position too.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi Rosie1q,



Welcome to the community. I’m sorry that things have become so exhausting. Your feelings are very understandable, and you are definitely not alone. A lot of the parents here can relate to what you are going through. You’ve found a support community. 

What does your in real life support system look like? Do you have family and friends whom you can lean on when things get really tough?

Is your daughter in treatment for BPD and BiPolar?

Keep posting. It really helps to connect with others who understand. We’re here for you.

heartandwhole

[Speck]

Hello, Rosie1q:

I just wanted to join heartandwhole in joining you to the forum. I'm sorry that you are feeling so downtrodden with the weight of having a family member who is emotionally dysregulated and who treats you so poorly. It really stings to be talked to nastily by those we love. I understand.

I just want you to know that you have come to the right place. You have found the best place in the world for understanding, compassion, and education as it relates to BPD. When you can, please feel free to give us more of a backstory, so we will know how best to give you the support you need. We are always open, and there is always someone here to give you feedback.

So welcome! Keep reading and posting, and I'm sure you'll get help and support (as I have).


-Speck

[Rosie1q]

Thanks for the replies my daughter is having treatment.Last Monday she locked her front door so I couldn’t get in worried I went around to the back door and was able to get in.Needless to say I got told off after talking to her things looked better.The next day I invited her to come out with us was told no we popped in after shopping to be told to go as she doesn’t need a baby sitter. Then she stopped answering the phone then I got a nasty text about her ex boyfriend who left her for another girl 24years ago since then she has ignored me . I rang got no answer so I sent a text to say sorry and I love you.after two days I’ve just got a text saying she needs space she is angry with me so l text back to say sorry and I love her and I’m here for her but I trying to give her space to calm down knowing that will be wrong because I stayed away.im I doing the right thing as I’m so confused and drained.

[wendydarling]

Hi there Rosie1q  

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you with your daughter's behaviour, dealing with a pw BPD is truly exhausting it's confusing and draining. I think you did the right thing to give her space to cool off - return to baseline, texted her to say that you are here for her. It's great to hear your daughter is in treatment, it is a recent diagnosis, how long has she been attending? My 29DD takes herself off when she feels she's dysregulating, she needs to be alone to practice her DBT skills and sometimes this can be for days and that's ok, she's doing her stuff, taking on her responsibility.

Many parents here are working towards getting off the rollercoaster, stepping out of the drama, chaos, finding solutions that work for them, it's baby steps and it can be done. Practising the tools here and adopting the lessons can help improve our relationship with our child, if you read bluek9 recent post you'll see she's enjoying weeks of calm through adopting some of the tools and approaches here to her situation. I'm so sorry to hear you are having panic attacks, that must feel very scary, is this recent, have you reached out to your doctor for support Rosie1q for help to manage your anxiety?

There is this piece here on 2.05 | Stop Accusations and Blaming that may help you think about how to deal with your daughter's blaming, is this helpful for you?

We here with you and we are listening, hugs to you.  

WDx