I have no idea how to talk to this person

[tiki]

I can’t express my anger, right? I can’t tell him my true feelings? I know I can’t argue. What can I say! There is no point in bringing up rational arguements?

If I wanted to express something like you want me to be here for you now but when you confidently thought you didn’t need me anymore you went out of your way to show your indifference to how I was doing. You behaved as if you would never need my support again and now you do. How can you expect me to give you support after how you treated me. It makes me angry you would even ask considering.

I can’t say that, right? Is there like a borderline speak I could use? Is there a language translation?

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[tiki]

double post sorry

[tiki]

I ended up saying no I can’t be there for you now. I just lost 1.5 of my life to intense suffering and my mental health has deteriorated so no.

I’m sure that’s somehow not a good thing to have said.

[once removed]

Is there like a borderline speak I could use? Is there a language translation?

people with BPD use the same language that you and i do. the problem is that they are highly rejection sensitive, can perceive slights that were not intended, feelings can flood the thoughts and lead to conclusions, and a person in a dysregulated state probably needs to cool down - not much getting through to someone in that state.

I ended up saying no I can’t be there for you now. I just lost 1.5 of my life to intense suffering and my mental health has deteriorated so no.

I’m sure that’s somehow not a good thing to have said.

its fine if its true to you and your needs.

it sounds like there is a great deal of resentment still, which is understandable. its going to be difficult to reestablish any relationship until that is worked through, and it may not be something you can work through with him, but will need to do with time, on your own.

thoughts?

[tiki]

people with BPD use the same language that you and i do. the problem is that they are highly rejection sensitive, can perceive slights that were not intended, feelings can flood the thoughts and lead to conclusions, and a person in a dysregulated state probably needs to cool down - not much getting through to someone in that state.

its fine if its true to you and your needs.

it sounds like there is a great deal of resentment still, which is understandable. its going to be difficult to reestablish any relationship until that is worked through, and it may not be something you can work through with him, but will need to do with time, on your own.

thoughts?

Yes. Resentment. I would like to take three months to myself and then later reevaluate what’s possible. How do I communicate this in a way where there isn’t a backlash?

[once removed]

How do I communicate this in a way where there isn’t a backlash?

there are no guarantees of that. there are communication techniques that may or may not minimize potential fall out.

if youre not certain that in three months you will want to engage, im not sure more needs to be said beyond what youve already said. how did he take it?

[tiki]

there are no guarantees of that. there are communication techniques that may or may not minimize potential fall out.

if youre not certain that in three months you will want to engage, im not sure more needs to be said beyond what youve already said. how did he take it?

He hasn’t responded. I would like to block him on email (it’s our last point of communication) and I think I do need to warn him before I do it so he doesn’t feel a shock. I  can tell him it doesn’t mean forever but I need awhile. I can’t proceed with the feeling of vulnerability email makes me feel.  I had already told him I didn’t want to communicate with him before I find a counselor but now I also need to tell him it’s going to be a few months.

[once removed]

I can tell him it doesn’t mean forever but I need awhile.

if you feel you need to block him, i think that gets the message across.

[tiki]

if you feel you need to block him, i think that gets the message across.

Yeah I am really too angry to be in contact. I have removed that last account. It sucks that he lives here because he had needed a shoulder to cry on and came physicallylooking for me. I really hate him so much. It’s like the bane of my existence... But I also can’t get away from him. And I guess I was thinking I could peacefully deal with him because I was in a better place but then it doesn’t last around him. But yeah hopefully that’s it for contact for at least a while.