When our daughter started dating 6 years ago things became much worse

[knit knack]

Hi everyone,

My name is M----- and I believe my husband of 31 years has a borderline personality and for the most part he has pretty much ruled the roost. But when our daughter started dating 6 years ago things became much worse. She is still with the same guy and things have not improved, in actuality they are worse I have tried everything I can think of to try and get him some help and bear in mind this is not the only thing he has issues with. His family, my family, me,friends, neighbours, daughter, boyfriend,boyfriends family.i could go on and on. Don’t get me wrong he can go long periods when he is fine and appears happy but then he will blow. I have tried Everything I can think of but today purchased the walking on eggshells book. I realize I can’t change him but I can change the way I react. Maybe this will help me. Thanks for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi knit knack and welcome!   You will find an incredibly supportive community here willing to listen to you and share their own experiences.

Buying walking on eggshells and realizing you can only control your own reaction are two HUGE steps forward, and it can't be easy after 31 years. Even bigger is coming to bpdfamily and sharing your story. I came here last year completely lost and scared and the support from members here has truly saved my life, no exaggeration.

I suggest you get started browsing the tools in the right box   and participating in other threads to find members in similar situations to your own.

What are some of the things that trigger your husband, and what do you do to take care of yourself when he is dysregulating? (managing his emotions in an unhealthy way) Have you spoken to anyone outside of your immediate family about the situation?

All the best,
~ROE

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome ,

I'm sorry that you've been having so many difficulties in your relationship. Congratulations on 31 years. I'm sure that you have had a lot of ups and downs during those times.

So 6 years ago your daughter started dating and this caused your H to get worse in his behavior. What is his reason for being so upset about her dating?

Changing our own behavior is definitely the key to finding happiness in a BPD relationship. What would you say is an area that you struggle with the most in regards to your own reactions to him?