It’s not a good night

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex BPD gf came back from her vacation yesterday and I’m so close to wanting to text her ... .I left her because she left on vacation with me or the kids that she planned (decided to go with her best gf).Yet here I am even after reading all the stories and kind words you all gave me ,I’m so close to recontacting her almost like I want her to yell at me at tell me to go away so I can get closure

[Shawnlam]

My ex BPD gf came back from her vacation yesterday and I’m so close to wanting to text her ... .I left her because she left on vacation with me or the kids that she planned (decided to go with her best gf).Yet here I am even after reading all the stories and kind words you all gave me ,I’m so close to recontacting her almost like I want her to yell at me at tell me to go away so I can get closure

[Cromwell]

im having not the best day either, it is really hard to estimate just how much effect these relationships can have on our psyche.

the good thing about reading other peoples experiences on these boards and learning, but also inputting and alongside it releasing a lot of the pain, it has got to the point where regardless of the no contact rule, I just would never be able to look at her in the same way I did previously.

Once you get to that stage, of where you have really disillusioned yourself of the type of person she had portrayed (takes time!) then these urges dont even come back anymore.

if you have been used to getting a kick out of the drama, the push pull adrenaline rush, then maybe this is what is spiking at the moment.

divert your thinking to something else, you know already in your heart that despite the temptation, she is someone that will ultimately cause you an equal if not more misery in the long run,for whatever it is you expect to get of momentary happiness.

I needed to allow myself hooked back in one last time to find closure, so i absolutely know how important that might feel to you.

but even though it worked for me. it would have equally worked just as well that I ignored her existence. so its a choice you really have to weigh up for yourself. the danger of going back to closure is that you might just end up prolonging more of the hurt that you are most trying your hardest to distance yourself away from.

[Turkish]

What would closure be to you,  she yelling at you,  or something else? Do you think she yelling at you (anger, rejection) would do it for you?

[icky]

Hi Shawnlam,

I have found this book very helpful "Codependent No More":

https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1522562012&sr=1-1

Maybe it could help you too?

*Thinking of you*

Stay strong.