Psychiatrists/Psychologists/Therapists - Any Use?

[Arrrgh]

I'm posting an open question and seeking comment.  Anyone reading this has probably had significant interactions with psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists.  I'm asking what your experiences were like.  In particular, has your BPD person been significantly helped, either long term or short term, by therapy or medication?  If so, what kind of therapy and what kind of medication?  How do you know he/she was being helped?  Was the improvement long term and did it outlast the therapist? 

My experience is that my daughter has seen any number of therapists.  For the most part, I cannot contribute much because I was intentionally kept from knowing anything, either by the child or her mother.  As I wrote in a previous post, I believe the mother has BPD and has done all the usual things, like parental alienation.  She's done everything she could to keep me out of the loop.  Also, much of the therapy was done after the child was 18, so I had no right to know.  The child has also kept me out of the loop.   

I have no idea who my daughter is currently seeing, but I know she has seen a large number of therapists.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe she or her mother is not satisfied with them or what.  Like I said, I have not had a chance to meet with or talk to these therapists and I suspect the mother is presenting a false narrative to the therapist along the lines of Daddy is an mean, bullying, mentally and physically abusive jackass and that's why our daughter has problems.  I have no idea the extent to which certain therapists have gotten beyond that narrative. 

My daughter spent almost a year shifting between psychiatric hospitals and residential treatment facilities.  She's out of those now.  At the end of that year, I don't think she was any better, but she sure knew a lot about meds.  My general conclusion is that her recent therapist has been somewhat helpful, but it is hard to know for sure.  But given her last blow-up, and given where she is in her life, it is not clear where she is in her life. 

Also, given that this is largely a family issue, I am surprised that I have never been asked to meet the therapist and discuss matters.  I mean, if the essential narrative is that Daddy is a mean and abusive jackass, wouldn't it be an important data point to assess and confirm in person? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Yepanotherone]

Hi

Long and short of it ... .my DD really only clicked with one of her many therapists out of the many she has had . This therapist was a “ cool” one with tattoos and piercings , she was a substance abuse counselor who used DBT as her base approach . She really saw my DD through her most difficult times and would not take crap from her . She made my DD look at her behaviors but managed to do all this in a very non judgmental way and my DD really respected her . Unfortunately that therapist moved to a different city, but I’m still thankful for what she managed to achieve with my DD over the few months we had her .

Psychiatrists just wanted to push pills which have not helped my DD in any way and in fact made her worse . She’s not on any medications now and hasn’t been  for a year . She uses marijuana and honestly , while I still have mixed feelings about it , I’ve come to terms with the fact she needs this right now and it does help her greatly so who am I , or who are the medical profession , to tell her that all the other chemicals they gave her are better for her ? When the evidence is clearly to the contrary .

[Mutt]

Hi Arrgh,

I suspect the mother is presenting a false narrative to the therapist along the lines of Daddy is an mean, bullying, mentally and physically abusive jackass and that's why our daughter has problems.

I can imagine how stressful it would feel for you if you're being distorted to others, it can feel helpless when you don't have control I would suggest to not worry P's are smart, they're objectionable.

[Scout206]

Hi Argggh
I have been seeing a therapist for 6 weeks.  I don't know if it is a good fit or not nor do I know if it is helping.  My DD30 has seen a couple of therapists over the past 4-5 years.  One was giving her what sounds to me like 'watered down' DBT therapy and I thought she was improving over that time but who knows?   My daughter has invented life events that fit in with her narrative that I am not a good mother.  After awhile, she believes that these things really happened and has a warped sense of our real history.  For instance, she tells me and everyone else that I kicked her out of the house when she was 15.  That didn't happen.  She went to live with her father (also very unsupportive as I believe your ex is) for a few months because she wanted to but saying that I kicked her out fits her scenario better.  How do you fight that?  If I tell her 'that is not how I remember something happening' I am invalidating (starting to hate that word) her.   And how can anyone judge me or help my daughter if they are not getting accurate information?   I have found out in the last year that (unbeknownst to me) she has been telling lies about me since she was 11 years old so why would she be honest with a therapist?    She is beautiful, bright, well educated and manipulative.  Even a family counselor that I tried arrange for us was totally bamboozled by her and believed everything that came out of her mouth.   It's hard to hold on to any self esteem when there is no way to defend yourself that makes any sense.    So, she has totally cut me off again and I have decided to stop reaching out this time.   I will love and cherish her forever but she is emotionally abusive to me and seems to enjoy the 'power' it gives her.   I can't keep making myself available for that.   Anyhow, I think it would take a pretty sharp therapist to see through the lies if she doesn't walk into the office wearing a t-shirt that says "I HAVE BPD."   And I think the odds of finding a therapist like that are slim to none.  Scout206

[Faith Spring]

Have to agree with scout on this.  Therapy means little when it's based on lies.  My daughter Belieives the lies she tells about me - I think a part of me believes too! The gas lighted part. 

It'd take a sharp tough therapist to see through the manipulation.